Anger

Seneca, a Roman philosopher-educator (4-65 A.D.), offered the

Following self-control techniques in his book “Of Anger”...

a. Avoid frustrating situations by noting where you got angry

in the past (cf. Mt 26:41; Pro 4:14-15)

b. Reduce your anger by taking time, focusing on other emotions

(pleasure, shame, or fear), avoiding weapons of aggression,

and attending to other matters (cf. Ph 4:8)

c. Respond calmly to an aggressor with empathy or mild,

unprovocative comments or with no response at all (cf. Pro

15:1)

d. If angry, concentrate on the undesirable consequences of

becoming aggressive (cf. Psa 37:8)

1) Tell yourself: “Why give them the satisfaction of knowing

you are upset?”

2) Or “It isn’t worth being mad over.”

e. Reconsider the circumstances and try to understand the

motives or viewpoint of the other person (cf. Ph 2:3-4)

f. Train yourself to be empathic with others (cf. 2 Ti 2:24-26)

1)    Be tolerant of human weakness

2)     Be forgiving (ask yourself if you haven’t done something

as bad)

3)    Follow the “great lesson of mankind: to do as we would be

done by” (cf. Mt 7:12)

a. Reduce your frustrations

1) Find the source of your frustration, whether they be

people or subjects or situations

2) Attempt to reduce or eliminate your exposure to these

negative stimuli

b. Reduce violent stimuli in your life

1) Choosing to avoid violent movies, violent and aggressive

friends is part of this approach

2) Be very selective with your friends so that they do not

goad you into anger and rage

3) Eliminate drugs and alcohol as stimulants of anger.

c. Reveal yourself and understand others

1) Announce you may be having a bad day to others

2) Attempt to indicate to others they are having a bad day

and offer to listen or let them vent

d. Stop hostile fantasies

1) Cease dwelling on issues or people which aggravate

2) Think smooth. Think cool.

e. Do not escalate the violence – 

Aggressive action on your part may cause an equally\ aggressive 

response which starts a vicious cycle

f. Convert your violent reaction

1) Count to ten, take a deep breath, or go work out are

variations on this theme

2) Think of the source of the aggravation and whether a

violent reaction will accomplish any purpose other than

remorse, which is not a goal

g. Cease using temper to get your way - While successful in the

short term, using anger to win points is a losing strategy

in the long run

h. Use stress inoculation - This approach involves awareness of

our own irrational fantasies, learning better understanding

of why others are weak when they show rage, and rehearsing

how to be calm in the face of angering stimulation

i. Disconnect anger from frustrating people or issues or

desensitization

j. Consider meditation and mild exercise to relax on God's Word

· Timing: if you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments. 

· Avoidance: if your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say’well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!’ That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

· Finding alternatives: if your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map

out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.