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Categories: Performance Based · Religious Works · legalism

Shifting Approaches to Young Adult Evangelism

March 31, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Shifting Approaches to

Young Adult Evangelism

Modern Church

…Evangelism is an event you invite people to.

…is primarily concerned with getting people into heaven.

Post-modern Church

…Evangelism is a process that occurs through relationship, trust & example

…is concerned with people’s experiencing the reality of living under the reign of His Kingdom.

Modern Church

…is focused on pre-Christians
…is done by evangelists
.…is something you do in addition to discipleship.

Post-modern Church

…is focused on post-Christians.
…is done by disciples.
…is part of being a disciple

Modern Church

…is a message.

…uses reason and proof for apologetics.

…Mission’s is a department of the church.

Post-modern Church

…is a conversation.
…uses the church as the primary apologetic.
…the church is a mission

Some ideas worth considering:

Evangelism offers an invitation into the Kingdom, instead of a way to get to heaven.

Evangelism is less of an invitation to an event, and more of an invitation to enter into community.

Evangelism is more dialogue and listening, than preaching and telling.
Evangelism
is part of discipleship and church culture, rather than something you do on the side.

Evangelism is “discipleship-evangelism,” rather than entertainment-based.

Evangelism may take a lot more time and trust today.

Questions Worth Considering

What are some specific ways you and your church could build the trust of non-Christians through dialogue and community?

Are you up for it?

In His Grace Forever,
Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP
Young Adult Crisis Hotline
and Biblical Counseling Center
1-877-702-2GOD

YouTube – Church For Men on Fox News Network

Categories: Evangelism · Young Adult · Young Adult Evangelism

Testosteroneless Church – BOOK REVIEW – Why Men Hate going to Church?

March 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I highly recommend this book and the book list on the site "Church for men" it has great insight to the state of the western church. The statistics are shocking. The statistics,will cause us to rethink intentional ministry and reaching this next generation. This is a book review and I highly recommendation this book for women and men to read. The statistics are so true and reveal that we grow men in the church who are forged to not have real God given purpose and direction. The majority of young men who grow up in the western evangelical church, before the important years of young adulthood, the years of life transition, are asking the same questions. These young men have grown up in church for the majority, attending Christian schools, teen ministry, and numerous church services in their already lives. Their masculinity is somewhat stunted by female dominated church and homes. Why have all the teaching and all of the personal discipleship not made an indelible mark in the majority lives? What is happening in the Christian homes with Fatherhood, Teen ministries, and all of the Christian education programs? Are our efforts counterproductive, working to give young man a road map out of the church with negative stimulus. What are the aversions for these young men?( The aversion is the avoidance of a place, people, thing, situation, or behavior because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus.) Young adults are already leaving the church after their eighteenth birthdays, and a majority never return even in adulthood. Is the testosteroneless church to blame for the staggering loss of these young men and young male adults? Can we reform quick enough our methods, vocabulary, sermons, and church atmosphere before church is extinct? I believe we can if we are intentional and focused.

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

YOUNG ADULT CRISIS HOTLINE

____________________________

Why Men Hate Going to Church

By David Murrow

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Hate-Going-Church/dp/0785260382

http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/ChurchAndMinistry/menhatingchurch.aspx

http://www.faithfulreader.com/authors/au-murrow-david.asp

The Church Impotent

The Feminization of Christianity

While men still run most churches, women outnumber them in the pews in Europe, in the Americas, and in Australia. The absence of males is not of recent genesis. Cotton Mather, a 17th century Puritan minister puzzled over it, and medieval preachers claimed women practice their religion far more than men did. But men do not show the same aversion to all churches and religions. The aversion is the avoidance of a place, people, thing, situation, or behavior because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus.

The Orthodox church seem to have a balance, and Islam and Judaism have a predominantly male membership. Something seems to be creating a barrier between Western Christianity and men. Why is it that men in the west are so little interested in religion and that the men who are interested often do not follow the general pattern of masculinity? Why doesn’t religion seem to interest men much, until they reach old age?

No discussion of Christian singles is complete without addressing the lack of men in church. The Church Life Survey (below)[1] notes that men make up only 39% of the church congregation and “…in every denomination, in every age grouping, women outnumber men.” This should be a serious concern to all Christians, both men and women alike as large numbers of men are missing out on salvation.

In his book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow warns that Islam is growing in popularity amongst men. “Since 1950 the number of Christians in the world has doubled, however, the number of Muslims has more than tripled.” He gives an example of Suleiman Azia who left his Baptist church and turned to Islam. Why? Because his church was mostly atten

ded by women and he “…found a stronger ideal of brotherhood and moral discipline-and of manhood.” (p. 48)

David Murrow states that unlike today’s churches, Jesus did not focus His ministry on women or children; He put men first. In addition, David says that “…while Christian values tend to be perceived as feminine, they must be lived out in an aggressive, masculine fashion.” (p. 44). He believes that we must “…lift the veil of religion and call men to battle.” But first, the Christian church must “…recover its ancient, masculine voice.” (p. 49).

David Murrow comments that “…in the Bible, fathers lead their children to God, not the other way around.” Dave quotes statistics which indicate that when a father comes to faith in Christ, the family follows 93% of the time. However, when the mother comes to Christ, the family follows only 17% of the time (p.47).

David Murrow offers a host of explanations for low attendance of men at church and a plethora of solutions and suggestions for improvements. David suggests that most men like to look up to and follow other men. They are attracted to churches with a strong dynamic leadership team which engages in risk-taking and results in productivity and growth.

He says that “…men are interested in God but uninterested in Christianity as it is currently practiced” (p.65). Further, the church emphasises Christ’s feminine characteristics by using feminine themes, imagery and vocabulary but ignores Christ’s masculine characteristics.

Dave Murrow also suggests that pastors review the terminology used in church today. He illustrates how the language used in churches has become increasingly feminine. We are no longer sons of God but children of God, Jesus called many to follow Him, but being saved is something that happens to damsels in distress, asking men to share sounds like kindergarten, Jesus spoke about the kingdom of God whereas churches talk about a family of God, the term relationship was never mentioned in the Bible, and yet it is used heavily in church today with men being invited to have a personal relationship with Jesus. When expressions such as intimacy or passionate are used in the Bible, they refer to lust or sex. However, today these expressions are often used to describe our walk with Jesus. David points out that we should use words such as walk with Jesus, follow Jesus and build the kingdom of God as they imply action and may be more palatable to men than more feminine terms (p. 136-137).

Dave Murrow suggests that music has also become more feminine; that “…Christ has put down His sword and picked up a daisy. He is no longer a warrior; He is a lover. The very image of Christ taking up arms (as He does in Revelation 19) is simply unacceptable in most churches today.” (p. 139)

He says that many of the lyrics of contemporary Christian songs have become tender love songs to Jesus with expressions such as ‘…I am so in love with you, I’m desperate for you, I’m lost without you and so on’ (p. 139) and that such words are repugnant to many men. In addition, David notes that the tempo has changed and contemporary music is now slower and dreamier (p.187) adding to the romantic feel of many new Christian songs.

David notes that churches that use masculine imagery in their teachings not only increase the numbers of men; they also increase the numbers of women. For example, in one class, a teacher did not change her content, however, she used expressions such as influence, belonging to a team, purpose, character, courage, discipline, power and perseverance. Attendance at her first session was 60% women. But by the third session it was 60% men plus the class doubled in size! (p.182).

However, Why Men Hate Going to Church is not a book merely to be read and discussed during home group or over a cup of coffee; it is intended as an impetus for action. We’re meant to do it, not just talk about it.

David Murrow presents a well researched and convincing argument as to why churches fail to attract and retain men. He also offers a plethora of practical and achievable solutions to make church a meaningful and challenging place for men.

Why Men Hate Going to Church gives both men and women the tools to approach their church leaders, armed with suggestions and an action plan to instigate change in their own church. Likewise, David Murrow highlights ways in which men can become actively involved by using their masculine skills, attributes and leadership qualities in an area where they are greatly needed.

Why Men Hate Going to Church is a really excellent book and should be mandatory reading for all who are serious about salvation and furthering the Kingdom of Christ.

[1] National Church Life Survey (NCLS) Research Gender profile of church attendees.

http://www.ncls.org.au/default.aspx?sitemapid=137

GENDER PROFILE OF CHURCH ATTENDEES

NCLS Research > Who Goes to Church > Attender Demographics > Gender

Just as younger people are under-represented in the life of the churches, so too are men. Only 39% of attenders are male.

The gender imbalance can partly be attributed to the fact that some churches have an older age profile and women on average live longer than men. However, although differing life expectancies do play a part, they are not the only reason for the gender skew. In every denomination, in every age grouping, women outnumber men.

The gender imbalance among church attenders is a long-standing issue, and many theories have been developed in an attempt to explain it. These theories, which warrant ongoing testing, are summarized in Who Goes Where? (Kaldor, 1987, 112–116) and include the following:

Differences in the ways boys a

nd girls are socialized affect their church involvement. This theory suggests that boys are taught independence and self-reliance, while girls are taught interdependence, obedience and responsibility for others. Consequently, girls are more predisposed to a church involvement which features such behavior.
Australian men are more likely to reject authority structures such as the church. They prefer more egalitarian forms of relationship with others, based around the concept of ‘mateship’.
Men are more emotionally inhibited than women. Consequently, this theory would suggest that men are daunted by structures in church life which promote intimacy (eg small groups).
Women are more likely to seek to instill moral values in their children as part of their role as child-rearers. Women not only look to the church to provide religious education for their children but also attend church in order to be good role models.
Women get social status in church that is denied elsewhere. Some social theorists argue that men and women without power or status in the community are more likely to turn to religion as a form of compensation.
Men are more likely to be in full-time work and to get their self-esteem from work. Work provides an alternative sense of purpose, community, identity and interests.

It has been shown that in Australia women engaged in full-time work have the same low church attendance levels as men in full-time work (De Vaus, 1985). This means that as increasing numbers of women participate full-time in the workforce, they could be expected to have reduced levels of church involvement. Therefore, if churches are to address the gender imbalances, they must seek to understand the workplace and find ways to connect with people in it.

Source: Initial Impressions, 2001 NCLS and Taking Stock, 1999

Book List

http://www.churchformen.com/booklist.php

Best books that explain why men dislike and/or avoid church

Muscular Christianity

By Clifford Putney

The battle to restore manliness to the church has been fought — and won — before. Read this fascinating account of the movement that brought men back to church in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Could their methods work for us today?

The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity

by Leon J. Podles

Written by a Roman Catholic, this exhaustive history traces the feminization of the church back to medieval times. A must read for anyone who wants to understand how Christianity lost its masculine spirit.

Best books for women who are married to unchurched men

When He Doesn’t Believe: Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith

By Nancy Kennedy

I’ve read all the books in this genre, and this is the pick of the litter. It is well written and hilarious in places, even to a male reader like me. Nancy is funny, encouraging and very insightful. Women – read this book!

Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage

By Lee and Leslie Strobel

The prolific former journalist and Saddleback pastor teamed up with his wife to write this book. Strobel’s entry into this market is heavy on personal anecdotes and advice. Like all of his books this one is well written.

Unbelieving Husbands and the Wives Who Love Them

By Michael Fanstone

Written by a British evangelical pastor, Fanstone knows of what he speaks: the gender gap in the British church is enormous. As a man, Fanstone is able to take us into the mind of an unsaved husband and does a pretty good job of it.

Best books for understanding men

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul

By John Eldredge

This bestseller resonates with men who find Christianity boring and irrelevant as it is practiced today. Eldredge’s vision of Godly men as wild, dangerous, unfettered and free has found a receptive audience. This book has taken the church by storm, and I recommend this book as a prerequisite to my own.

Healing The Masculine Soul

By Gordon Dalbey

This volume was one of the inspirations for my book. Dalbey draws upon his experience counseling men to provide a very accurate window into their souls. Gordon is a good writer and this book is an easy read.

The Silence of Adam

By Larry Crabb

This little book is packed with insig

ht into the loss of manhood in our society – and in the church. Crabb identifies the causes of masculine passivity and summons men to full-hearted living.

No More Christian Nice Guy

By Paul Coughlin

Paul Coughlin identifies a cancer that’s growing in our churches today: an epidemic of passive, sweet nice guys who are failing to lead their churches, their families and their communities. Men, if you’ve ever wondered why there wasn’t more to the Christian life than what you’ve experienced, read this book.

Best books for those interested in men’s ministry

Effective Men’s Ministry: The Indispensable Toolkit for Your Church

By Phil Downer, editor

A collection of brief, enlightening essays from today’s top men’s ministry experts. Learn from the men who are actually creating thriving men’s ministries in their local churches.

How to Build a Life-Changing Men’s Ministry

By Steve Sonderman

A very practical step-by-step guide that helps you take the excitement of a men’s retreat or Promise Keepers’ weekend and turn that into a viable men’s ministry. Sonderman founded the popular TOP GUN ministry in Brookfield, Wisconsin

Best books on masculine spirituality

Wildmen, Warriors and Kings: Masculine Spirituality and the Bible

By Patrick Arnold

A Catholic priest examines the masculine archetypes present in the Bible, and reveals how we as Christian men can benefit by modeling ourselves after them. You’ll never see the men of the Bible the same again.

Fire in the Belly

By Sam Keen

This is not even a religious book, but it’s one of the most insightful ones I’ve read. And just about every Christian leader I’ve ever mentioned it to has read it, too. Although I don’t agree with many of his zen-like conclusions, Keen is such an incisive observer his book is definitely worth a read.

Best books on boys

Future Men

By Douglas Wilson

This book teaches readers how to stop fearing and to start embracing the budding masculinity in their sons. Learn how a boy growing up in a mainline congregation can actually come out of the experience a Christian.

Raising a Modern-Day Knight

By Robert Lewis

Throughout human history, the men of society have been responsible for initiating boys into manhood. Robert Lewis offers a practical guide for any man who wants to provide his sons with rites of passage.

Passed thru Fire

By Rick Bundschuh

Another great resource for understanding young male initiation. This book will whet your appetite for the accompanying DVD. Learn from a church in Hawaii that’s reaching fatherless young men with the gospel.

Best books on creating a more effective church

Why Nobody Learns Much of Anything at Church: And How to Fix It

By Thom and Joani Schultz

This book is intended as a Sunday school reform book, but read it with men in mind. It’s amazingly insightful and could serve as a blueprint for a re-thinking of how we teach men.

Inside the Mind of Unchurched Harry & Mary

By Lee Strobel

Written by a former atheist who found God, this book is well written and insightful.

Surprising Insights from the Unchurched

By Thomas Rainer

This Baptist seminary dean studied more than 350 formerly unchurched men and women to find out why they had suddenly started coming to church. Rainer’s findings may surprise you.

Leading Beyond the Walls

By Adam Hamilton

Hamilton built America’s fastest-growing mainline congregation with a healthy dose of the masculine spirit. If there’s a future for the mainline, Hamilton has got it squarely in his sights.

The Purpose Driven Church

By Rick Warren

Don’t forget the book that started a revolution. Warren’s 40 Days of Purpose have brought individual believers to life, but our church structures remain amazingly resistant to the changes that are needed. If you haven’t read this book, do it!

The Second Coming of the Church

By George Barna

This book literally saved my faith. At a point when I was so frustrated with church, Barna assured me I was not imagining it; church structures were actually keeping me from becoming the man God was calling me to be. An amazingly insightful book, this book is a roadmap for reform in our congregations.

Categories: Why Men Hate going to Church?

Boundaries: Book Review

March 28, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Boundaries: Book Review

Boundaries: What they are and what they do?

A boundary, as Cloud and Townsend put it, is a property line; this is used as a metaphor for the "line" that delineates what is oneself from what is not oneself. The concept of a boundary can also be used to define what a relationship is from what it is not. Just as every self should have a clearly established and communicated boundary line, so should every relationship. The emphasis in Cloud and Townsend’s treatment, however, is on personal boundaries as they affect relationships with others. (Unfortunately, they fail to make a clear distinction between boundaries that define a relationship and boundaries that define oneself.)

The Law of . . .

Sowing and Reaping

Our actions have consequences. Someone will bear them.

Don’t interrupt this law by regularly bailing others out.

Responsibility

We are responsible to, not for each other.

We are to love one another, not be one another.

Power

We do not have power over other people

We hardly have enough power over ourselves

Respect

If we wish our boundaries to be respected we must respect those of others. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Motivation

We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes.

“Acts of love” are worthless if we don’t feel to have a choice

Evaluation

We need to evaluate the effects our boundaries cause others

Hurt and harm are not the same – pain may eventually lead to growth

Pro-activity

Boundaries must express what you stand for , not just what you are against

Solve problems on the basis of your values, wants, and needs

Envy

We will never get what we want if we focus on what others have

Envy keeps us empty and unfulfilled

Activity

We need to take the initiative to solve our problems

Don’t wait for your spouse to go the first step

Exposure

Boundaries must be communicated

Otherwise they are invisible to others

Proper boundaries promote several key essentials of healthy relationships:

Personal Responsibility: Once it is established what is "me" and what is "not me," I know to assume ownership of, and responsibility for, what is "me," and, conversely, to eschew taking ownership of, or responsibility for, what is "not me" but is someone else’s "property," or self.

Freedom: Boundaries set the stage for personal freedom, both of oneself and of one’s partner in relationship. With clearly delineated boundaries, I will not be continually frustrated attempting to "fix" matters on someone else’s property, but will attend to what I do have control over, namely, myself. Having disowned the other person’s property, I disavow personal responsibility for the other person’s behavior and its consequences; thus, I set limits on the extent to which I allow another’s behavior to control my actions, and I recover for myself a sense of free agency. Boundaries also give me the freedom to acknowledge the freedom of the other person to manage her property as she sees fit.

Love: The exercise of self-control over one’s own property and the refusal either to exercise or to allow other-control also set the stage for a mature, mutually beneficial, loving relationship. Boundaries are especially crucial in marriage–which is, after all, primarily a relationship of love. Without boundaries, love falters, and marriage fails.

Cloud and Townsend describe how boundaries facilitate freedom and responsibility in marriage: "Other-control is the antithesis of having boundaries in marriage. Boundaries relinquish other-control for self-control (Galatians 5:23). Boundaries preserve the freedom of one’s spouse without at the same time enabling the irresponsibility of that spouse" (Boundaries in Marriage, 76).

Protection: When the other person in a relationship dishonor

s your personal boundaries–and/or those of the relationship–then your boundaries can serve to protect you from injury. This is accomplished by taking control of your own territory and securing its perimeter against harmful intrusions, rather than by taking control of the one who would hurt you. When you control and limit your responses to the other’s behavior in such a way that he ends up reaping bad consequences for bad behavior, then you are protected from having to experience, and assume responsibility for, all the bad consequences yourself. The net result of such action usually is to limit what the other can get away with in his relationship with you. But you do not prevent the other from engaging in bad behavior; he remains free to do so if he chooses. The price for such behavior is simply shifted from you to the one who is responsible for it.

Accepting Reality: When we establish and communicate boundaries in relationships, we say "no" to elements of abuse, control, manipulation, and denial in those relationships. Sometimes this will entail saying "no" to the relationship itself, if the other party is unwilling to accept the challenge to change and mature. Yet it is better to acknowledge and grieve the loss of the relationship, and then be free to go on to better and healthier things, than to remain enmeshed in an illusory and self-destructive quest to "win" the love of someone who simply does not have it to give.

Boundaries in counseling

Cloud and Townsend do not specifically stipulate therapeutic methods for helping clients develop strong boundaries. It is clear from the counseling stories they tell, however, that their style of counseling is direct and confrontational. Their therapeutic goals focus more on action than insight, and their counsel primarily concerns ways that clients can change their thinking and behavior; thus, it seems, their therapeutic approach would be most readily categorized with the cognitive behavior counseling models.

They will usually spend some time initially listening and empathizing, and then will ask a question or two that will directly pinpoint the boundary weakness that they discern to be the problem. The one element of therapy that always seems to be employed is the direct diagnosis and prescription (which usually entails some "homework"). They are not above a slightly sarcastic diagnosis and prescription, if they feel the client is up for it. Cloud tells of a client who was fussing about whether or not to propose marriage to his girlfriend, who did not always "make him happy." Discerning that, according to this fellow, the sole purpose of the relationship was to make him feel happy, Cloud impatiently advised that the man buy himself a goldfish. Even a dog would demand too much from him; a woman would most certainly be out of the question. From that point, Cloud reports, they began to make some progress in the session (Boundaries in Marriage, 109). Cloud and Townsend evidently get results with their direct and confrontational approach, but it would seem to have its limitations.

Of course, a counselor working on boundary issues with her client need not employ a direct, confrontational style in order to get the message across. The principles explicated by Cloud and Townsend can be communicated by nondirective means when the client is perceptive enough to grasp these concepts for himself within the context of the healing process.

The books are written as easily comprehensible "self-help," but boundaries can prove difficult to negotiate, especially where they have been heretofore absent in a person’s life. Any individual with a relationship problem that presents a significant impediment to her emotional health should probably seek the guidance of a counselor to work through and apply to her own situation the concepts presented in these books. Cloud and Townsend frequently note the need for people to seek out guidance and support.

Clients and issues best served by the therapy

The "Ten Laws of Boundaries," and their applications in personal relationships, should be helpful to a broad spectrum of people. They are specific and practical, yet free of the liabilities inherent to the formulaic prescriptions and stereotyped generalizations that tend to characterize most Christian self-help books on marriage and relationships. In other words, this therapy seems to offer a path to genuine spiritual and emotional growth, not just a superficial quick fix.

Boundaries therapy should prove particularly useful in marriage counseling. I would want Boundaries in Marriage to be required reading for any married couple in counseling. As Cloud and Townsend note, "If there were ever a relationship where boundaries could get confused, it is marriage, where by design husband and wife ‘become one flesh’ (Eph. 5:31)….More marriages fail because of poor boundaries than for any other reason" (Boundaries, 150). Marriage is a veritable breeding ground for boundary confusion.

Clients most likely to benefit from developing strong boundaries would seem to be married women whose sense of self has been severely attenuated by the common evangelical presupposition that the wife’s place is one of ancillary support and service to the man–which, essentially, relieves her of the responsibility to take ownership of her life as a separate individual. Given the wide popularity and acceptance of the Boundaries books in the evangelical community, it is heartening to note that Cloud and Townsend apparently recognize the spiritual and psychological foolishness of the "submission" doctrine that is so often and so dogmatically propagated by a number of influential Christian leaders (including psychologists).

Every bit of Cloud and Townsend’s advice for spouses is applicable to either spouse; they do not have gender-specific counsel. This only makes sense, after all. The topic at issue is human relationship; given that both husband and wife are human beings, it is reasonable to assume that, as the saying goes, "what is good for the goose is good for the gander." Of course, the idea of a wife setting boundaries entails an unwillingness on her part to acquiesce to her husband’s demands, desires, and agenda as though they were, ipso facto, God’s will for her and the family.

Predictably, Cloud and Townsend report that their counsel often elicits some consternation in their hearers: "But that doesn’t sound submissive!" Without directly repudiating the typical evangelical understanding of wifely submission, they offer a clearly understandable, sensible, practical alternative to it.

They also pull no punches when they declare, "We have never seen a ‘submission problem’ that did not have a controlling husband at its root. When the wife begins to set clear boundaries, the lack of Christlikeness in a controlling husband becomes evident because the wife is no longer enabling his immature behavior. She is confronting the truth and setting biblical limits on hurtful behavior. Often, when the wife sets boundaries, the husband begins to grow up" (Boundaries, 161-62).

Boundaries therapy makes
a promise similar to that offered in the submission literature: you can make your marriage better, maybe even save it, just by changing your own behavior. Only one spouse–at least initially–needs to work at living within her boundaries; the other spouse need only be reasonably sane and reasonably committed to the marriage. Also like the submission advice, boundaries therapy operates on the basis of just a few basic principles that are then applied to individual marriages. However, the principles of straightforward truth-telling, and self-control displacing other-control, are incompatible with the standard evangelical fare advising women that they can get what they want in their marriage through "submission."

Another difference is that setting boundaries leads to pain and conflict (a necessary element in the healing process), and probably a disgruntled spouse who must get used to not always having his own way; whereas a woman who follows the submission line of advice will experience an immediate reduction of conflict in the marriage.

Proper boundaries will ultimately yield the fruit of freedom, love, wholeness, responsibility, and authenticity in a marriage. By contrast, a "submissive" wife may learn to get what she wants manipulatively, as a child is rewarded by an indulgent or oblivious parent; but she will not know real oneness with her husband if she has failed to define herself as a whole person separate from her husband.

Limitations of the therapy

Cloud and Townsend’s boundaries therapy is directed toward more or less healthy persons who have developed some unhelpful patterns of self-perception and interpersonal interaction. This therapy would be insufficient for treating pathological character disorders or mental illness–although the concept of personal boundaries could certainly be a part of therapy for such individuals. It is hard to imagine an emotional problem that doesn’t involve some failure to own and take responsibility for oneself. Not only would Cloud and Townsend’s advice be insufficient for those with full-blown character disorders, it might also do more harm than good.

For example, it might be somewhat less than helpful to ask to hear your spouse’s views on how you should change your behavior, if your spouse happens to live in the unreality of a narcissistic or borderline personality (see Boundaries in Marriage, 69-74).

Furthermore, Cloud and Townsend sometimes attempt to apply the boundaries concept to personality problems that do not seem to be caused by defective boundaries (as they define boundaries). This is most evident in their efforts to apply the boundaries motif to the breaking of bad habits. Although setting boundaries involves exercising self-control, any disorder involving a lack of self-control does not necessarily entail inadequate boundaries.

What does it mean to "set boundaries on yourself" when boundaries are defined as setting a property line around yourself? In addressing overeaters, they speak of "an internal self-boundary problem" and assert that food serves as a "false boundary" (Boundaries, 209). This seems to be a rather sloppy, overly expansive use of the boundaries concept.

A primary function of setting boundaries is to cause the person with whom you are in relationship to suffer the consequences of his own irresponsibility. His behavior is put on the other side of your personal "property line" so you are not obligated to suffer the consequences; if it is on his side of the fence, it is his problem, not yours. (It’s not always this simple, but this is basically how Cloud and Townsend present it.) But this works only as long as you keep the boundary in place. If you relent and knock down the fence, then the other’s irresponsible behavior becomes your problem.

However, if you treat the "bad" part of yourself as a "problem person" with whom you have a relationship, and you set up a fence–a "self-boundary"–between you and your inner addict, then who is going to suffer when your inner addict goes on a binge? You are, of course. You cannot separate yourself from the consequences of your own behavior. Boundaries do not control other people’s behavior; they keep other people’s behavior from controlling you.

Thus, the principle is not applicable to negotiating the relationship between you and yourself–as Cloud and Townsend suggest (see Boundaries, chapter 12). You will be affected, even injured, by your own irresponsible behavior–unless, of course, there is a co-dependent in your life who is bearing for you the consequences of your irresponsibility. If this is the case, the solution lies in the co-dependent person setting clear boundaries that keep the consequences of your behavior on your side of her property line.

Theological integration

Cloud and Townsend are not theologians, and they do not conceptualize their psychological counsel in systematic theological terms. (For that matter, their presentation lacks precision and coherence on several non-theological points, as well.) Their theological integration consists primarily of citing proof texts for their various therapeutic principles. However, they do a fairly good job at this. Some of their proof texts are only superficially related to the concept the text is used to support, and really have nothing to do with boundaries. Other biblical texts, however, are quite aptly enlisted in defense of personal boundaries.

Note, for example, Galatians 6:2 and 5. "Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. For all must carry their own loads." Cloud and Townsend use this text to show that we are responsible for ourselves (v. 5), and are responsible to one another (v. 2). They explain that "burdens" refer to weights too heavy for one to bear alone, and all who are able are responsible to relieve the burdens of others so afflicted. "Loads" refer to every individual’s responsibilities in life, and these should not be assumed by, or abdicated to, another (Boundaries, 30-31; Boundaries in Marriage, 42).

Jesus’ parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 powerfully illustrates the Lord’s desire for each of us to acknowledge ownership of, and take responsibility for, the talents or assets of which God has made us stewards (see Boundaries, 44-45).

Another oft-cited text with obvious relevance to personal boundaries is Proverbs 25:28. "Like a city breached, without walls, is one who lacks self-control." Cloud and Townsend invoke another text from Proverbs when noting that "one of the greatest gifts we can give to each other is the gift of honesty and confrontation. As Proverbs tells us, ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses’" (Proverbs 27:6). We grow when someone who loves us ‘wounds’ us by telling us painful truths we need to hear. Requiring responsibility from each other by telling each other the truth and not giving in to each other’s immaturity is indeed a gift"

(Boundaries in Marriage, 95).

They also offer some helpful discussion of God and boundaries. For example: "As we become like him, he is redeeming our boundaries and our limits. He has defined who we are and what our limits are so that he can bless us: ‘Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance’ (Ps. 16:5-6)" (Boundaries, 240).

The most common criticism of boundaries therapy–especially, it seems, from Christians–is that it encourages selfishness. In response, Cloud and Townsend note that selfishness is wrong because it is unloving; however, "appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others." Furthermore, selfishness must not be confused with stewardship. Boundaries enable us to be faithful stewards of God’s good gifts. "When we say no to people and activities that are hurtful to us, we are protecting God’s investment" (Boundaries, 103-105). They also make repeated efforts to distinguish between a selfish abuse of boundaries and a loving use of boundaries.

When it comes to discussing theology proper–i.e., the nature and acts of God–Cloud and Townsend are sometimes a bit vague, confused, and imprecise. Their analogies between human/human relationships and God/human relationships are sometimes helpful, but perhaps just as often lacking in important qualification.

For example, on the matter of God changing his mind, they claim that "the Bible is clear. It is as though God says, ‘If it really means that much to you, it’s okay with me.’ One of the most astounding teachings of the Bible is that we can influence God. It wouldn’t be a real relationship if we couldn’t" (Boundaries, 233). This statement is rife with theological question marks and ambiguities. Given the vigor with which such questions of providence are being debated among theologians and philosophers today, it is hardly accurate or fair to say that "the Bible is clear" on this.

Conclusion

The boundaries therapy of Cloud and Townsend have much to offer both Christian counselors and their clients, particularly clients whose basic need is to develop more effective relationship skills. An emphasis on developing strong personal boundaries should be especially helpful in marriage counseling.

The principles presented in these books are a needed corrective to imbalances that afflict the self-concepts and relationships of many individuals–imbalances that seem to be encouraged by contemporary American evangelical culture. Although not without some limitations and deficiencies, the books’ drawbacks pale in comparison to the overall helpfulness of their clear presentation of crucial, biblically-based principles of emotional and relational health.

Any implementation of these strategies in relationships must remain conscious of not taking them to extreme and have a balanced objective Implementation. Any extreme can be dangerous and self-defeating. The ability to not look at your situations with black and white observations. To look at them with non-emotional subjectivity and have a balanced objective viewpoint of seeing with proper measurement of reality and rational perception. This means seeing the gray areas. Not taking a stand on the hill of urgency. Knowing when and where to draw the boundary lines with your self and others is vital.

In His Grace Forever,

Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

theodoreawadjr@comcast.net

http://yacrisishotline.tripod.com/

http://youngadultcrisishotline.blogspot.com/

youngadultcrisishotline@comcast.net

Categories: Boundaries

Anger

March 25, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Seneca, a Roman philosopher-educator (4-65 A.D.), offered the

Following self-control techniques in his book “Of Anger”...

a. Avoid frustrating situations by noting where you got angry

in the past (cf. Mt 26:41; Pro 4:14-15)

b. Reduce your anger by taking time, focusing on other emotions

(pleasure, shame, or fear), avoiding weapons of aggression,

and attending to other matters (cf. Ph 4:8)

c. Respond calmly to an aggressor with empathy or mild,

unprovocative comments or with no response at all (cf. Pro

15:1)

d. If angry, concentrate on the undesirable consequences of

becoming aggressive (cf. Psa 37:8)

1) Tell yourself: “Why give them the satisfaction of knowing

you are upset?”

2) Or “It isn’t worth being mad over.”

e. Reconsider the circumstances and try to understand the

motives or viewpoint of the other person (cf. Ph 2:3-4)

f. Train yourself to be empathic with others (cf. 2 Ti 2:24-26)

1)    Be tolerant of human weakness

2)     Be forgiving (ask yourself if you haven’t done something

as bad)

3)    Follow the “great lesson of mankind: to do as we would be

done by” (cf. Mt 7:12)

a. Reduce your frustrations

1) Find the source of your frustration, whether they be

people or subjects or situations

2) Attempt to reduce or eliminate your exposure to these

negative stimuli

b. Reduce violent stimuli in your life

1) Choosing to avoid violent movies, violent and aggressive

friends is part of this approach

2) Be very selective with your friends so that they do not

goad you into anger and rage

3) Eliminate drugs and alcohol as stimulants of anger.

c. Reveal yourself and understand others

1) Announce you may be having a bad day to others

2) Attempt to indicate to others they are having a bad day

and offer to listen or let them vent

d. Stop hostile fantasies

1) Cease dwelling on issues or people which aggravate

2) Think smooth. Think cool.

e. Do not escalate the violence –

Aggressive action on your part may cause an equally\ aggressive

response which starts a vicious cycle

f. Convert your violent reaction

1) Count to ten, take a deep breath, or go work out are

variations on this theme

2) Think of the source of the aggravation and whether a

violent reaction will accomplish any purpose other than

remorse, which is not a goal

g. Cease using temper to get your way - While successful in the

short term, using anger to win points is a losing strategy

in the long run

h. Use stress inoculation - This approach involves awareness of

our own irrational fantasies, learning better understanding

of why others are weak when they show rage, and rehearsing

how to be calm in the face of angering stimulation

i. Disconnect anger from frustrating people or issues or

desensitization

j. Consider meditation and mild exercise to relax on God's Word

· Timing: if you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments.

· Avoidance: if your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say’well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!’ That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

· Finding alternatives: if your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map

out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Categories: Anger

SERVANTHOOD

March 24, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The American heritage dictionary states a servant is “One who expresses submission, recognizance, or debt to another.” This above definition is a description of the master servant and teacher the Lord Jesus Christ. He was to spend and to be spent for the sake of our salvation and daily life. The personal operating policy and philosophy of any man of God should be patterned after the Lord’s heart. The practical application of policy and philosophy is evident throughout the life of Jesus. God states in His Word that “He Has called men to be Shepard’s after his own heart.”

My personal policy, a course of action and guiding principle in ministry is:

John 13:13‑15

13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.

15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

(King James Version )

Therefore, the course of action and guiding principle of my personal ministry is to resemble the pattern of Jesus Christ to wash the feet of everyone being no respecter of persons. This is an example of true humility and representation of the patterned character of the heart of a servant. In my personal ministry I want to have His heart and course of action of meeting people where they are at in life and cleansing them where they need to be cleansed with the accepting Love of Christ. This is my guiding principle to be a foot washer of the multitude. The biblical principle of promotion is very simple the humble shall be exalted. An illustration of how I implemented this in my personal ministry is with Grace Home Ministries, Inc. Founding this home and ministry by washing the feet of other leaders of the ministry and living the life of a servant to homeless and addicted men.

Grace Home Ministries Inc. Is a non-profit Christian organization that helps individuals who have recently been delivered from life controlling problems to become responsible, productive and caring individuals through its personal development program. This program ministers to the spiritual, psychological and physical needs of its clients.

This ministry served as a bridge between the streets and the local church community by preparing and training the individuals to live drug free, Christ-centered lives. It facilitated these goals by teaching its clients about addiction and presenting them the biblical alternative to life challenging problems and addiction by offering the biblical solution to freedom based upon “The Finished Work” of Jesus Christ and His principles.

Servant Leadership

A result of being broken in the right place, in the soul, yields a leader with the heart of a servant. Just as leadership is a relationship versus something a leader does, servant leadership is a type of relationship process. It is a relationship whereby a group of people choose to serve each other in unique roles. Servant leadership is about a group of people mutually submitting to each other for the purpose of achieving something they could not achieve alone.

What makes a leader a servant leader is not temperament, strength, or energy. What makes a leader a servant leader is first and foremost the type of motivation in the leader. When the motivation of the leader is to unleash the potential of the followers and primarily benefit the needs of the organization, that person is a servant leader. A person who is not a servant leader will tend toward more mixed motives in leading, striving to lead out of pride, manipulation, and force.

Servant leaders understand that means to ends are just as important as ends. A person can feign servanthood by claiming that the goals of the organization are for the benefit of all involved, and that whatever it takes to reach those goals is justified. Each of us know pastors who would claim to be serving the people and would consider themselves servant leaders, but who go about reaching church goals via manipulation, using people, and who privately exemplify a very prideful attitude.

A Servant Versus a Servant Leader

You can be a servant and not a leader. You can be a leader and not a servant. But to be a servant leader, you must first become a servant. A servant leader is one who both serves by leading and leads in such a way as to exemplify a servant’s attitude. Two people can do the exact same job, and one be a servant and the other not a servant. A leader ceases to be a servant leader when he ceases to lead with the right attitude. A servant ceases to be a servant leader when he ceases to lead. A leader is one who brings about change via an influence relationship. In the literal sense, a person ceases to be a servant leader when he is not seeking to bring about change.

Quite often, we describe servant leadership by inverting the pyramid, suggesting that in this view the leader is at the bottom, serving the needs of the people. The servant leader has the fewest rights in that the task is to help others find their potential and fulfillment as a part of the organism.

If we place leaders on a single line with others in the leadership relationship, the implication is that there are none higher or lower, but that all are peers in an influence relationship. The amount of one’s influence is represented by one’s length on the line. The wider the length, the more the influence. People who are not in the leadership relationship are not even on the line. This is perhaps a better view of what the New Testament means when discussing spiritual gifts and the Body of Christ. No part of the body is better than another, just because some are given more prominence. Thus, none are higher or lower, just different. This does not suggest that all are equal in impact. The heart plays a more vital role than the hand. In leadership, the leader fills the key role because without this person or persons the quality of the relationship would be severely reduced. At the same time, the leader is considered a peer, just another part doing her unique job. Because leaders are a minority, they are usually the hardest to replace as well. A linear peer relationship conveys se

rvanthood because it equalizes everyone when the tendency is to elevate leaders, even servant leaders.

Motives are difficult to measure. Perhaps only God can effectively judge such subconscious workings of the mind. However, servant leadership involves a much kinder, gentler approach to leading. It can be equally forceful and dynamic, but does not reduce the esteem of followers. Some managers debunk leadership because they have seen so many people get chewed up in the process. They equate strong leading with autocratic, dictatorial, love’em and leave tactics. This is an indication of ineffective leading and a lack of servant leading. Effective leading rarely leaves bodies strewn along its path due to blowing people over who will not bend to the new goals and vision. Effective leading communicates, motivates, inspires, and wins people’s wills. Servant leadership is a win-win proposition. Other types of leading take a win-lose approach, especially if a win-win is not possible or is too expensive. The reason why leadership has at times left bad impressions is almost always due to a lack of servanthood integrated into the process by the leader.

Without the love, theology makes no difference. Begin with love in your own heart. Love of Christ and love of people are uniquely important qualities to people who would be ministers, teachers, counselors and physicians.

They asked Jesus, What is the greatest commandment?

Matthew 22

35. One of them, an expert in the law, tested Jesus with this question:

36. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

37. Jesus replied: "`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

38. This is the first and greatest commandment.

39. And the second is like it: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’

40. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

The first person you must lead is yourself. Your time, your resources reflect something personal. So first you must lead yourself. It is hard to lead others, if you are a mess yourself. It is hard to teacher others if you don’t believe in what you have to say.

Jesus was very clear about what we should be committed to:

Matthew 6

31. So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?’ or `What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’

32. For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

33. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Love trumps skill. Skills can be learned, but without love, skills have no value. So the servant leader gathers the skills needed to do the job, skills can be learned with love and commitment. Servant leaders must separate the important from the urgent. Information gathering, information presentation, feedback. With a vision for the Kingdom, we acquire the skills we need.

My personal philosophy, the system of values by which one lives in ministry is:

Matt 23:11

11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.

(King James Version )

Therefore, my personal philosophy, the system of values by which I live is to serve from the position of being the least. If I have this mind set then I will not elevate myself over another and always remember that I am no greater than the ones I serve. This philosophy will be the system of values by which I choose to model and pattern my family, personal life and ministry after.

The greatest servant is one who has a system of Values and course of action that is guided by the principles of charity.

1 Cor 13:13

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

(King James Version )

Yet some would ask: What’s love got to do with it? Aren’t the essential requirements of leadership to be results oriented and to personify authenticity and employ a variety of techniques and emphases?

Love is the greatest because it serves faith and hope. It serves faith because how can you believe in someone whom you don’t love and how can you hope in someone if you don’t know the root of the hope. The root is Christly love dwelling richly within us and working outwardly in service of faith and hope.

I believe that ministry must be a personal work of a personal God within us motivating our life to have faith in him for the results by encouraging hope in others. The whole essence of the belief of this principle is based upon the work of redemption on the Cross of Calvary.

We are called to be co-laborers together with God in reconciling the world to Him and this work must be motivated by the love of God dwelling in us or we will depend upon only a commandment and not the power of faith. We are to be hope-bringers to this ever so dying depraved world around us by being in the faith by Christ’s love.

The example of our Lord Jesus Christ is the pattern in which I have set to be my personal operating policy and philosophy. The pattern is one that is perfect and without error, but the one following the pattern is not perfect. I have found in ministry that my greatest failures and mistakes teach me to be molded into the pattern of being a servant. I believe that immediate bouncing back into the pattern when we fall out of it is the sign of growth. We fail to realize that crisis in our lives allows us to be tested so we may grow into His pattern and not into our own patterns of our old sin nature.

The greatest failure in Christianity is one who attempts to live up to the pattern of Jesus and fails to realize the heart of the pattern. The root of this comes from religion, which is man trying to find God, the truth is God has found us and is working in us. We see this in

the cults and comparative religions of the world because they are seeking to please their god and please him with some kind of service. This can also be found in Christianity in legalism and performance based works programs established to enforce outward servant-hood without the heart and power inwardly. These teachings don’t allow room for someone to grow up into the pattern of being a servant it produces failure and preoccupation with one’s own performance. When our focus remains upon the Finished and Completed Work of the Cross of Christ, His burial, and resurrection we will want to have our life patterned after the great commandment and great commission. The unfinished work is the Great Commission, to reach, preach, teach, baptize, and reproduce servants AFTER God’s own heart.

This paper has the policy and the philosophy of my personal ministry. I have determined to pattern my life because of the tremendous leadership of Christ that surrounds me and encourages me daily to mirror Christly servant-hood and His amazing leadership. These values and system of beliefs are not learned in a book but practiced in daily life and walk in God’s service. Failure has been my greatest teacher of all. Through life I have discovered victory and change in my personal practice of service. Failure is never final; it is the birth of a Change of mind. It is vital to recognize and learn in failure so we do not continue to fail over and over in the same area. Every failure in life is a unique learning experience, which God allows to sovereignty teach us to be more like Him. Does this mean that we should intentionally fail to get to know God? God forbid, I honestly believe that until we are perfected ultimately in Heaven we will continue to fail God and His commands. The more and more I get to know God intimately the more depraved I see myself and the greater God looks to me personally. The more I see my own heart as deceitful, depraved, and desperately wicked, the more I want to pattern my life after God’s own heart instead of relying upon my own hearts guidance.

In His Grace Forever,

Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

theodoreawadjr@comcast.net

http://yacrisishotline.tripod.com/

http://youngadultcrisishotline.blogspot.comyoungadultcrisishotline@comcast.net

Categories: SERVANTHOOD · Servant · Servant Leadership

Do you Believe in Easter?

March 23, 2008 · Leave a Comment

"Do WE believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ?" The answer will determine how we live our earthly lives and where we will spend our lives in eternity. With that in mind, let’s look at Luke 23:50-24:12 to see what evidence we find for the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the grave.

He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today!

He walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way.

He lives, He lives, salvation to impart!

You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart

Evidence for the Resurrection

by Josh McDowell

For centuries many of the world’s distinguished philosophers have assaulted Christianity as being irrational, superstitious and absurd. Many have chosen simply to ignore the central issue of the resurrection. Others have tried to explain it away through various theories. But the historical evidence just can’t be discounted.

A student at the University of Uruguay said to me. "Professor McDowell, why can’t you refute Christianity?"

"For a very simple reason," I answered. "I am not able to explain away an event in history–the resurrection of Jesus Christ."

How can we explain the empty tomb? Can it possibly be accounted for by any natural cause?

A QUESTION OF HISTORY

After more than 700 hours of studying this subject, I have come to the conclusion that the resurrection of Jesus Christ is either one of the most wicked, vicious, heartless hoaxes ever foisted on the minds of human beings–or it is the most remarkable fact of history.

Here are some of the facts relevant to the resurrection: Jesus of Nazareth, a Jewish prophet who claimed to be the Christ prophesied in the Jewish Scriptures, was arrested, was judged a political criminal, and was crucified. Three days after His death and burial, some women who went to His tomb found the body gone. In subsequent weeks, His disciples claimed that God had raised Him from the dead and that He appeared to them various times before ascending into heaven.

From that foundation, Christianity spread throughout the Roman Empire and has continued to exert great influence down through the centuries.

LIVING WITNESSES

The New Testament accounts of the resurrection were being circulated within the lifetimes of men and women alive at the time of the resurrection. Those people could certainly have confirmed or denied the accuracy of such accounts.

The writers of the four Gospels either had themselves been witnesses or else were relating the accounts of eyewitnesses of the actual events. In advocating their case for the gospel, a word that means "good news," the apostles appealed (even when confronting their most severe opponents) to common knowledge concerning the facts of the resurrection.

F. F. Bruce, Rylands professor of biblical criticism and exegesis at the University of Manchester, says concerning the value of the New Testament records as primary sources: "Had there been any tendency to depart from the facts in any material respect, the possible presence of hostile witnesses in the audience would have served as a further corrective."

IS THE NEW TESTAMENT RELIABLE?

Because the New Testament provides the primary historical source for information on the resurrection, many critics during the 19th century attacked the reliability of these biblical documents.

By the end of the 1 9th century, however, archaeological discoveries had confirmed the accuracy of the New Testament manuscripts. Discoveries of early papyri bridged the gap between the time of Christ and existing manuscripts from a later date.

Those findings increased scholarly confidence in the reliability of the Bible. William F. Albright, who in his day was the world’s foremost biblical archaeologist, said: "We can already say emphatically that there is no longer any solid basis for dating any book of the New Testament after about A.D. 80, two full generations before the date between 130 and 150 given by the more radical New Testament critics of today."

Coinciding with the papyri discoveries, an abundance of other manuscripts came to light (over 24,000 copies of early New Testament manuscripts are known to be in existence today). The historian Luke wrote of "authentic evidence" concerning the resurrection. Sir William Ramsay, who spent 15 years attempting to undermine Luke credentials as a historian, and to refute the reliability of the New Testament, finally concluded: "Luke is a historian of the first rank . . . This author should be placed along with the very greatest of historians. "

I claim to be an historian. My approach to Classics is historical. And I tell you that the evidence for the life, the death, and the resurrection of Christ is better authenticated than most of the facts of ancient history . . .

E. M. Blaiklock
Professor of Classics
Auckland University

BACKGROUND

The New Testament witnesses were fully aware of the background against which the resurrection took place. The body of Jesus, in accordance with Jewish burial custom, was wrapped in a linen cloth. About 100 pounds of aromatic spices, mixed together to form a gummy substance, were applied to the wrappings of cloth about the body. After the body was placed in a solid rock tomb, an extremely large stone was rolled against the entrance of the tomb. Large stones weighing approximately two tons were normally rolled (by means of levers) against a tomb entrance.

A Roman guard of strictly disciplined fighting men was stationed to guard the tomb. This guard affixed on the tomb the Roman seal, which was meant to "prevent any attempt at vandalizing the sepulcher. Anyone trying to move the stone from the tomb’s entrance would have broken the seal and thus incurred the wrath of Roman law.

But three days later the tomb was empty. The followers of Jesus said He had risen from the dead. They reported that He appeared to them during a period of 40 days, showing Himself to them by many "infallible proofs." Paul the apostle recounted that Jesus appeared to more than 500 of His followers at

one time, the majority of whom were still alive and who could confirm what Paul wrote. So many security precautions were taken with the trial, crucifixion, burial, entombment, sealing, and guarding of Christ’s tomb that it becomes very difficult for critics to defend their position that Christ did not rise from the dead. Consider these facts:

FACT #1: BROKEN ROMAN SEAL

As we have said, the first obvious fact was the breaking of the seal that stood for the power and authority of the Roman Empire. The consequences of breaking the seal were extremely severe. The FBI and CIA of the Roman Empire were called into action to find the man or men who were responsible. If they were apprehended, it meant automatic execution by crucifixion upside down. People feared the breaking of the seal. Jesus’ disciples displayed signs of cowardice when they hid themselves. Peter, one of these disciples, went out and denied Christ three times.

FACT #2: EMPTY TOMB

As we have already discussed, another obvious fact after the resurrection was the empty tomb. The disciples of Christ did not go off to Athens or Rome to preach that Christ was raised from the dead. Rather, they went right back to the city of Jerusalem, where, if what they were teaching was false, the falsity would be evident. The empty tomb was "too notorious to be denied." Paul Althaus states that the resurrection "could have not been maintained in Jerusalem for a single day, for a single hour, if the emptiness of the tomb had not been established as a fact for all concerned."

Both Jewish and Roman sources and traditions admit an empty tomb. Those resources range from Josephus to a compilation of fifth-century Jewish writings called the "Toledoth Jeshu." Dr. Paul Maier calls this "positive evidence from a hostile source, which is the strongest kind of historical evidence. In essence, this means that if a source admits a fact decidedly not in its favor, then that fact is genuine."

Gamaliel, who was a member of the Jewish high court, the Sanhedrin, put forth the suggestion that the rise of the Christian movement was God’s doing; he could not have done that if the tomb were still occupied, or if the Sanhedrin knew the whereabouts of Christ’s body.

Paul Maier observes that " . . . if all the evidence is weighed carefully and fairly, it is indeed justifiable, according to the canons of historical research, to conclude that the sepulcher of Joseph of Arimathea, in which Jesus was buried, was actually empty on the morning of the first Easter. And no shred of evidence has yet been discovered in literary sources, epigraphy, or archaeology that would disprove this statement."

FACT #3: LARGE STONE MOVED

On that Sunday morning the first thing that impressed the people who approached the tomb was the unusual position of the one and a half to two ton stone that had been lodged in front of the doorway. All the Gospel writers mention it.

There exists no document from the ancient world, witnessed by so excellent a set of textual and historical testimonies . . . Skepticism regarding the historical credentials of Christianity is based upon an irrational bias.

Clark Pinnock
Mcmaster University

Those who observed the stone after the resurrection describe its position as having been rolled up a slope away not just from the entrance of the tomb, but from the entire massive sepulcher. It was in such a position that it looked as if it had been picked up and carried away. Now, I ask you, if the disciples had wanted to come in, tiptoe around the sleeping guards, and then roll the stone over and steal Jesus’ body, how could they have done that without the guards’ awareness?

FACT #4: ROMAN GUARD GOES AWOL

The Roman guards fled. They left their place of responsibility. How can their attrition he explained, when Roman military discipline was so exceptional? Justin, in Digest #49, mentions all the offenses that required the death penalty. The fear of their superiors’ wrath and the possibility of death meant that they paid close attention to the minutest details of their jobs. One way a guard was put to death was by being stripped of his clothes and then burned alive in a fire started with his garments. If it was not apparent which soldier had failed in his duty, then lots were drawn to see which one wand be punished with death for the guard unit’s failure. Certainly the entire unit would not have fallen asleep with that kind of threat over their heads. Dr. George Currie, a student of Roman military discipline, wrote that fear of punishment "produced flawless attention to duty, especially in the night watches."

FACT #5: GRAVECLOTHES TELL A TALE

In a literal sense, against all statements to the contrary, the tomb was not totally empty–because of an amazing phenomenon. John, a disciple of Jesus, looked over to the place where the body of Jesus had lain, and there were the grave clothes, in the form of the body, slightly caved in and empty–like the empty chrysalis of a caterpillar’s cocoon. That’s enough to make a believer out of anybody. John never did get over it. The first thing that stuck in the minds of the disciples was not the empty tomb, but rather the empty grave clothes–undisturbed in form and position.

FACT #6: JESUS’ APPEARANCES CONFIRMED

Christ appeared alive on several occasions after the cataclysmic events of that first Easter . When studying an event in history, it is important to know whether enough people who were participants or eyewitnesses to the event were alive when the facts about the event were published. To know this is obviously helpful in ascertaining the accuracy of the published report. If the number of eyewitnesses is substantial, the event can he regarded as fairly well established. For instance, if we all witness a murder, and a later police report turns out to he a fabrication of lies, we as eyewitnesses can refute it.

OVER 500 WITNESSES

Several very important factors arc often overlooked when considering Christ’s post-resurrection appearances to individuals. The first is the large number of witnesses of Christ after that resurrection morning. One of the earliest records of Christ’s appearing after the resurrection is by Paul. The apostle appealed to his audience’s knowledge of the fact that Christ had been seen by more than 500 people at one time. Paul reminded them that the majority of those people were still alive and could be questioned. Dr. Edwin M. Yamauchi, associate professor of history at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, emphasizes: "What gives a special authority to the list (of witnesses) as historical evidence is the reference to most of the five hundred brethren being still alive. St. Paul says in effect, ‘If you do not believe me, you can ask them.’ Such a statement in an admittedly genuine letter written within thirty years of the event is almost as strong evidence as one could hope to get for something that happened nearly two thousand years ago." Let’s take the more than 500 witnesses who saw Jesus alive after His death and burial, and place them in a courtroom. Do you realize that if each of those 500 people were to testify for only six minutes, including cross-examination, you would have an amazing 50 hours of
firsthand testimony? Add to this the testimony of many other eyewitnesses and you would well have the largest and most lopsided trial in history.

HOSTILE WITNESSES

Another factor crucial to interpreting Christ’s appearances is that He also appeared to those who were hostile or unconvinced.

Over and over again, I have read or heard people comment that Jesus was seen alive after His death and burial only by His friends and followers. Using that argument, they attempt to water down the overwhelming impact of the multiple eyewitness accounts. But that line of reasoning is so pathetic it hardly deserves comment. No author or informed individual would regard Saul of Tarsus as being a follower of Christ. The facts show the exact opposite. Saul despised Christ and persecuted Christ’s followers. It was a life-shattering experience when Christ appeared to him. Although he was at the time not a disciple, he later became the apostle Paul, one of the greatest witnesses for the truth of the resurrection.

If the New Testament were a collection of secular writings, their authenticity would generally be regarded as beyond all doubt.

F. F. Bruce
Manchester University

The argument that Christ’s appearances were only to followers is an argument for the most part from silence, and arguments from silence can be dangerous. It is equally possible that all to whom Jesus appeared became followers. No one acquainted with the facts can accurately say that Jesus appeared to just "an insignificant few."

Christians believe that Jesus was bodily resurrected in time and space by the supernatural power of God. The difficulties of belief may be great, but the problems inherent in unbelief present even greater difficulties.

The theories advanced to explain the resurrection by "natural causes" are weak; they actually help to build confidence in the truth of the resurrection.

THE WRONG TOMB?

A theory propounded by Kirsopp Lake assumes that the women who reported that the body was missing had mistakenly gone to the wrong tomb. If so, then the disciples who went to check up on the women’s statement must have also gone to the wrong tomb. We may be certain, however, that Jewish authorities, who asked for a Roman guard to be stationed at the tomb to prevent Jesus’ body from being stolen, would not have been mistaken about the location. Nor would the Roman guards, for they were there!

If the resurrection-claim was merely because of a geographical mistake, the Jewish authorities would have lost no time in producing the body from the proper tomb, thus effectively quenching for all time any rumor resurrection.

HALLUCINATIONS?

Another attempted explanation claims that the appearances of Jesus after the resurrection were either illusions or hallucinations. Unsupported by the psychological principles governing the appearances of hallucinations, this theory also does not coincide with the historical situation. Again, where was the actual body, and why wasn’t it produced?

DID JESUS SWOON?

Another theory, popularized by Venturini several centuries ago, is often quoted today. This is the swoon theory, which says that Jesus didn’t die; he merely fainted from exhaustion and loss of blood. Everyone thought Him dead, but later He resuscitated and the disciples thought it to be a resurrection. Skeptic David Friedrich Strauss–certainly no believer in the resurrection–gave the deathblow to any thought that Jesus revived from a swoon: "It is impossible that a being who had stolen half-dead out of the sepulchre, who crept about weak and ill, wanting medical treatment, who required bandaging, strengthening and indulgence, and who still at last yielded to His sufferings, could have given to the disciples the impression that He was a Conqueror over death and the grave, the Prince of Life,

For the New Testament of Acts, the confirmation of historicity is overwhelming. Any attempt to reject its basic historicity, even in matters of detail, must now appear absurd. Roman historians have long taken it for granted.

A. N. Sherwin-White
Classical Roman Historian

an impression which lay at the bottom of their future ministry. Such a resuscitation could only have weakened the impression which He had made upon them in life and in death, at the most could only have given it an elegiac voice, but could by no possibility have changed their sorrow into enthusiasm, have elevated their reverence into worship."

THE BODY STOLEN?

Then consider the theory that the body was stolen by the disciples while the guards slept. The depression and cowardice of the disciples provide a hard-hitting argument against their suddenly becoming so brave and daring as to face a detachment of soldiers at the tomb and steal the body. They were in no mood to attempt anything like that.

The theory that the Jewish or Roman authorities moved Christ’s body is no more reasonable an explanation for the empty tomb than theft by the disciples. If the authorities had the body in their possession or knew where it was, why, when the disciples were preaching the resurrection in Jerusalem, didn’t they explain: "Wait! We moved the body, see, He didn’t rise from the grave"?

And if such a rebuttal failed, why didn’t they explain exactly where Jesus’ body lay? If this failed, why didn’t they recover the corpse, put it on a cart, and wheel it through the center of Jerusalem? Such an action would have destroyed Christianity–not in the cradle, but in the womb!

THE RESURRECTION IS A FACT

Professor Thomas Arnold, for 14 years a headmaster of Rugby, author of the famous, History of Rome, and appointed to the chair of modern history at Oxford, was well acquainted with the value of evidence in determining historical facts. This great scholar said: "I have been used for many years to study the histories of other times, and to examine and weigh the evidence of those who have written about them, and I know of no one fact in the history of mankind which is proved by better and fuller evidence of every sort, to the understanding of a fair inquirer, than the great sign which God bath given us that Christ died and rose again from the dead." Brooke Foss Westcott, an English scholar, said: "raking all the evidence together, it is not too much to say that there is no historic incident better or more variously supported than the resurrection of Christ. Nothing but the antecedent assumption that it must be false could have suggested the idea of deficiency in the proof of it."

REAL PROOF: THE DISCIPLES’ LIVES

But the most telling testimony of all must be the lives of those early Christians. We must ask ourselves: What caused them to go everywhere telling the message of the risen Christ?

Had there been any visible benefits accrued to them from their efforts–prestige, wealth, increased social status or material benefits–we might

logically attempt to account for their actions, for their whole-hearted and total allegiance to this "risen Christ ."

As a reward for their efforts, however, those early Christians were beaten, stoned to death, thrown to the lions, tortured and crucified. Every conceivable method was used to stop them from talking.

Yet, they laid down their lives as the ultimate proof of their complete confidence in the truth of their message.

WHERE DO YOU STAND?

How do you evaluate this overwhelming historical evidence? What is your decision about the fact of Christ’s empty tomb? What do you think of Christ?

When I was confronted with the overwhelming evidence for Christ’s resurrection, I had to ask the logical question: "What difference does all this evidence make to me? What difference does it make whether or not I believe Christ rose again and died on the cross for my sins!’ The answer is put best by something Jesus said to a man who doubted–Thomas. Jesus told him: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me" (John 14:6).

On the basis of all the evidence for Christ’s resurrection, and considering the fact that Jesus offers forgiveness of sin and an eternal relationship with God, who would be so foolhardy as to reject Him? Christ is alive! He is living today.

You can trust God right now by faith through prayer. Prayer is talking with God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. If you have never trusted Christ, you can do so right now.

The prayer I prayed is: "Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and trust You as my Savior. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be. Thank You that I can trust You."

Josh McDowell,

according to a recent survey, is one of the most popular speakers among university students today. He has spoken on more than 650 university and college campuses to more than seven million people in 74 countries during the last 21 years.

Categories: Evidence for the Resurrection

NEGOTIATION: CONFLICT RESOLUTION

March 20, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Acts 15:36-40

³⁶And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. ³⁷And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. ³⁸But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. ³⁹And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; ⁴⁰And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.

Can you imagine the tension as Paul told John Mark that he was not invited on the journey?

Can you sense the tension the next time the two men we together?

Were the two of them able to resolve the conflict by themselves? Or were others involved in mediating it?

Can you sense the celebration that was there as they sat together toward the end of Paul’s life?

They grew through conflict. They saw the opportunity for growth and took it.

We need to imagine grace of God’s presence than will produce harmony, even at the point of greatest conflict.

1 TIMOTHY 2:5-6

5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;

6 Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.

Strong’s # 3316 is Mesites mediator 1) one who intervenes between two, either in order to make or restore peace and friendship, or form a compact, or for ratifying a covenant

The simplest translation of the word mediator is “in the middle.”

NEGOTIATION:

Negotiating for our emotional, mental, & physical needs.

Negotiate in a patient & kind manner.
State your requests honestly, fully, and without apology.
You have feelings and needs, and you have a right to share your feelings and ask for your needs & wants to be met.
You should expect your feelings to be acknowledged.
You may or may not get your wants met. Your needs should be met, but a discussion may be held as to whether they are truly needs or simply wants.
The spectrum between needs and wants is wide and subject to individual interpretation.
The frequency and manner of meeting needs and wants is the heart of the process of negotiation.
Make requests, rather than demands. Requests embody and demonstrate the posture of asking for a gift, rather than taking property.
Speak in terms of personal expression such as, "I need" this, and "I feel" you are doing that.
Body language and tone must likewise indicate that my statements are simply "my requests" and "my feelings" rather than covert demands with consequences such as withdrawal of love or passive aggressive retaliation.
Realize that each person may have a different concept of what produces a noxious mental, physical, or emotional experience. Thus, what one person finds to be intolerable behavior, another might considered acceptable or desirable by another.
It is necessary for couples to come to an understanding and acceptance of their partner’s profile of pain producing stimuli.
Recognize that another person’s behavior is actually an experience outside one’s self. As such it does not intimately and necessarily affect me. Just separate from it, let it be, and see the behavior as an uninvolved observer, not as a participant.
Another method of coping with annoying habits is to simply appreciate that annoying behavior as a different expression of life, and view it as unique, special, cute, or something your mate does that makes him/her different from all the rest.
When there is an impasse in negotiation because of mutually exclusive needs, a separation of territory in a certain area of the marriage may make it possible to continue in relationship.
When unacceptable behavior is continued, and the offender has no willingness to change, then the offended party may unilaterally implement actions which protect his/her space. Such actions are a message and consequence as much as they are a protective measure.
It may require divine rearrangement of some emotional neural connections to come to the state of acceptance and even appreciation of some annoying habits and idiosyncratic tastes.
The best way to feel your mate’s annoying habits are acceptable behavior choices is prayer, and personal visualization of oneself
No compromise or acceptance should be made with behaviors that are ungodly. Such wrong behaviors will have to be done alone, in a totally separate space. The size of the space depends on the seriousness of violation of moral law.

While negotiation is important, it is almost impossible for most couples to engage all the "highly mature" concepts mentioned above in the heat of battle, a time when we all have the hardest time being civil.

Commitment to resolution is the foundational spiritual posture that is necessary for conflict resolution to be successful.
There must be an underlying willingness to maintain the union.
The best resolution happens when there is an underlying fondness, respect, appreciation, trust, and love of the other person. When the love is lacking, the negotiation will more likely be perfunctory or power based.

Seven stages of the Family and Marriage mediation process:

1) Prepare for mediation

1) Begin the mediation

2) Communicate about the dispute

3) Define the issues and set the agenda

4) Clarify information and uncover hidden interests

5) Generate and assess options for settlement

6) Bring closure and settlement

1) Prepare for mediation –

- Prayer an important resource that is often overlooked.

- You are investing in the resolution not the conflict.

2) Begin the mediation –

- Set up and establish some basic ground rules

- The beginning of the mediation process is when the individuals are the most rational, to establish rules they will use when the conflict is more acute.

3) Communicate about the dispute –

- Communication in conflict resolution operates in two ways, speaking and listening.

- It is important that the both parties hear each other. – To listen carefully.

- We as the mediator must assure them that they will get an equal opportunity to talk.

- We also a mediator must remind them when they say things that are not productive and may be more harmful.

- This is where be become the manager of communication between their communication.

4) Define the issues and set the agenda –

- a) Clarify the issues

- b) Reframed them in more objective terms

- c) Set the agenda for problem – solving work.

- These steps diminish uncertainty and provide direction.

- Taking the issues in the order they are identified, or ranking the issues in order of importance to the both.

5) Clarify information and uncover hidden interests –

- While the issues are easily identified in most conflicts, the interests may be hidden.

- Addressing underlying needs is essential in resolving conflicts.

- What else is going on?

6) Generate and assess options for settlement –

- The people in the conflict create options that will meet their interests.

- These options must be assessed to see if they are practical and possible.

- These options must not only create a solution, they must include thoughts on how the solution would be put in place.

- Tunnel vision – they have invested so much time in their time, resources, and emotions in their position, it is difficult to leave it and move on to the resolution.

- Our role is to expand their vision – open up the tunnel – so that the alternative solutions are clear and easily accepted.

7) Bring closure and settlement –

- Constructive dialogue has identified issues and interests, creative solutions have been proposed, and now it is time for the individuals to decide whether they will accept a proposed solution, or continue the conflict.

- Acceptance or rejection.

We view outward behaviors as a symptom of deeper emotional and spiritual disorders. We believe that the surface problems that hinder our progress are only a result of the root causes within us. Once underlying spiritual issues are identified find the root causes, which are our internal adversaries and barriers, which are deeply rooted within our unconscious and subconscious mind, we can begin one by one identified, spiritual plan of action developed, process begins to be resolved by Grace Rational therapy. These hindrances have been designed to oppose us internally because of repetition and affirmation over prolonged periods of time.

The greatest battleground is within our mind because it is the spiritual sphere of rational activity and rational influence. The mind is bombarded with an atmospheric assault from the cosmic world (kosmos).

Cosmic deception

Prince of this world John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11

¨ The goal of Satan in the life of every believer

is to lead him astray (planao in the Greek).

¨ To take him on a journey of destruction from deception

¨ Intoxication – Wander (Living in abstract or irrational) “Taah” in the Hebrew

out of the way of understanding (rational insight) Proverbs 21:16

The entrance and path to the heart (leb: seat of courage) of man is his mind. Satan uses seducing spirits and demonic host to send vibrations to the mind of man to snare him into deceit, which also batters the mind. Everyone (saved and unsaved) is subject to unrelenting demonic attack. They ‘infiltrate’ this moral-spiritual dimension. Their strategy is to provoke, promote, aggravate, and instigate sinful desires and evil thoughts. In some situations where demons are involved, they are more of an effect of the problem than the root cause. The deceiver’s purpose is to make the spiritual sphere of rational activity and rational influence completely irrational.

Beelzebub (the Prince of Evil Spirits or the ruler of demons in Matthew 12:27) means "lord of the flies”.

Flies flock around wounds and so do demons. They try to use bitterness(frozen resentments) and unforgiveness to poison internal wounds much like a physical infection can poison outward wounds on a person’s body (Matthew 18:21-35).

The mind is also attacked by the flesh (i.e., the corrupt moral-spiritual dimension of fallen humanity).The need and desire for these behaviors will disappear.

Rational

Having or exercising the ability to reason.
Of sound mind; sane.

Doctrine – didaskalia In Greek – teaching of God’s mind precisely

The Rational Expression of God

The Theos: God

The Logos: Rational process of thought

The Rational Expression of God brings in illumination and personal deliverance. Illumination may be defined as the divine quickening of the human mind in virtue of which it is enabled to understand truth already revealed.” When you are teaching God’s mind (His Word) precisely you are instructing someone to think soundly in their mind. His word brings illumination. It does not reveal new truth, but makes the old truth understandable. Someone said, and I don’t know the source of this, “What light is to the Eye, illumination is to the mind.”

Illumination – "Being Convinced" to be persuaded – Romans 14:5 is Pherophoreo in the Greek means

1) Removes blindness in our mind

2) Gives insight

3) Prepares action in the will

We cannot live unto the position. The position must become a reality with in that is brought through our lives.

Positional truth: Positional truth unfolds to individuals the believers the present relationship to the government of the Trinity.

Life truth: Sets forth the believer’s present responsibility of the whole will of God

Our lives are full of unwelcome behaviors and overwhelming emotions. The fact that we still feel the pain from our past is not a sign of a failed relationship with God. The presence of the pain does not lessen the impact of the salvation in our lives. This is a signal that we need to begin the process of moment by moment healing. God will make the necessary healing and changes. To admit (face in reality) to pains and problems may seem to be a contradiction of our claim to salvation, but it is not. The bible is a masterpiece of men and women who struggled continually to overcome past mistakes and present temptations.

This Action-oriented approach to help people cope with problems and enhance their personal growth. We Place a good deal of its focus on the Present. Our currently-held attitudes, painful emotions and behaviors can sabotage a fuller experience of life. We provide people with an individualized set of proven techniques for helping them to solve problems with a variety of methods to help people reformulate their dysfunctional beliefs into more sensible, realistic and rational ones with Doctrine.

Much of our philosophy of life—what we think about ourselves and our values—is learned from past experiences. But the past is with us in the form of beliefs that we carry in our head in the present. Focus in on the beliefs that are harmful in our current emotional life and behavior—whether those beliefs arose in the distant reaches of our youth or within the past few weeks. Our past exerts its influence in our current-day thinking patterns and beliefs. Although we cannot change the past, we can change how we let the past influence the way we are today and the way we want to be tomorrow.

Doctrine helps restore the emotional balance in an individual’s life by providing methods for thinking more realistically and sound-minded about ourselves, other people, and the world. The quality of feelings that is important. Experiencing intense irritation and displeasure when things go wrong can motivate you to change frustrating conditions. Teach others and yourself to minimize debilitating emotions. This does not mean that it’s unhealthy to experience keen feelings of sorrow or displeasure when you experience misfortune. We empower individuals both by helping them more effectively handle their own painful emotions and by enabling them to have doctrine change their behavior and progress.

Doctrine illuminates (Removes blindness in our mind; Gives insight; Prepares action in the will) and provides people the skills and attitudes to become less selfish. Selfishness is often motivated by ego-gratification. Many selfish people tend to be very needy and demanding and are intent on getting what they want at any cost in order to feel good about themselves. The Word of God helps people to reduce their own neediness and specifically their need to prove themselves to others. Teaching them choose to accept themselves unconditionally; and then try to completely avoid globally rating themselves—meaning their totality or their "essence." We teach people to Enjoy rather than proving themselves in self-interest. Help people by teaching them to recognize and change those aspects of their thinking which are not sensible, accurate or useful.

We establish a helpful, supportive, and facilitative alliance with
people be cause we must realize we are at War with the Flesh (Self), demons, and the World system.. We realize that not all people come to therapy ready for action and change, and that some people—because of their personalities and problems—require a great deal of support and empathy before they are ready to change. We help provide people as quickly as possible with the tools to help them change their beliefs leading to disturbing emotions, thus freeing them to confront their everyday problems with all their new found resources or the old ones not practically experienced.

Rom 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth (lives) no good thing (that is my sinful nature): for to will (desire) is present with me; but how to perform (carry out) that which is good I find not. (KJV)

We took control to protect ourselves, but the results frequently have ended uncontrollable and unreliable. We now don’t want to give up control and release ourselves from the torment. This now is a great opportunity to face reality and admit that our life is not working with us in control. We stop pretending, we admit that we can’t continue the illusion of control. The way we have managed our own lives brings us to this point. We prepare ourselves towards the walk of wholeness. Rational thoughts are whole thoughts. Whole thoughts makes wholesome living.

This may seem overwhelming to most of us until we begin to see our lives as they really are. It is threatening to realize could be uncontrollable. Our life experience testifies against us and reminds us that our behaviors did not produce peace.

Look at the Apostle Paul, he wrote about this matter clearly and proves the bible is true. He wrote about his uncontrollable life and behaviors as proof of his separation from God. Yet, his admission does not interfere with his commitment to do God’s will. Paul’s will got in the way with God’s will. This is part of the pride complex that is in every man. The pride of the old man that cries within us for his own will and works against us to frustrate God’s plan for us.

We have a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishment and success. Most of us from birth have been bombarded by our self the old sin nature, the devil, and the world system the ideal of high achievement. Being competitive is viewed by society as important. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be “winners” and, therefore good people. If, however we don’t measure up to what is expected of us we are losers, we believe of ourselves as failures. This combination creates a poor self-image. Due to the absence of good role models, during childhood, many of us are confused. We don’t know where we fit in. We continue to allow our worth and self-esteem to be determined by what we do and what others think about us, and not by who we are in Christ. We have conditioned ourselves to fail and learned anxiety from our much confused and misguided lives.

Surrender, we admit defeat and recognize that our obsessive traits manipulate the affairs of our lives to ease inner pain of our separation from God. Thus making our lives uncontrollable and will continue to be until we surrender our own will.

I believe that this process of mediation is a very complex and must be treated with the utmost care and consideration for all parties in crisis, dispute or we as counselors can cause more damage than when we have intended to bring healing. Therefore, this process of medication is not just a formula and must be looked at as adaptable for every diverse crisis in the realm of Family and Marriage counseling. I have enjoyed watching the precious Holy Spirit guide and direct the diverse times with His Amazing comfort. In the center turmoil, God the person of the Holy Spirit, provides comfort for numerous families devastated by conflict and crisis. We must not be in the way of an individual’s personal vertical walk with God because of our horizontal relationship as a pastor, counselor, or leader.

In Biblical counseling it is vital to remain the hands, feet, and heart of Christ. Meaning we are not to take the place of him in personal idolatry and allow our counselee’s to place upon a pedestal. The higher the pedestal the higher our fall will be and the greater the disappointments of those who placed us on the pedestal. In some cases, as pastors, counselors, and leaders we because of our great insecurity want the approbation of others place ourselves on a high pedestal. The only one that can be great is to be great servants anyone and everyone. Fully and intimately laboring to our Audience of One, our Master, and Lord. Seeking to be a servant keeps us small in our own eyes which can protect us against pride and haughtiness. The individual will again return to conflict if we take on a messiah complex and think we are their personal savior. We must allow the Holy Spirit to be the counselor and let him do the work in people’s lives. We are mere tools in the hands of a loving God that wants to minister harmony to those hurt in the turmoil of conflict and pain.

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

theodoreawadjr@comcast.net

http://yacrisishotline.tripod.com/

http://youngadultcrisishotline.blogspot.com/

youngadultcrisishotline@comcast.net

Categories: NEGOTIATION · conflict resolution

Family and Marriage Counseling

March 19, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The concept of “family” is vague and uncertain. While some still hold to the scriptural definition, or at least something akin to it, others have very different ideas. In the extreme cases, individuals believe it is all right to physically abuse or even to kill their own flesh and blood. Of course, the vast majority of us can see immediately that this is wrong. However, there are innumerable other ideas which are socially acceptable, yet fall far short of the scriptural pattern. The acceptance of these ideas has had disastrous results.

For example, many households contain only one parent. While in some cases this occurs through no fault of the remaining parent – for instance, when the spouse has died – in other cases, it is the result of the parents’ own decisions. This situation is not good for the children. Consider the following excerpt from a recent column in the Providence Journal:

“Nearly 75 percent of children without fathers spend part of their childhood in poverty. They are more than twice as likely as children from two-parent families to be held back in school and more than four times as likely to be expelled or suspended. They are likelier to die in infancy. Likelier to need treatment for psychiatric problems. Likelier to be injured in an accident, to score poorly on I.Q. tests, to abuse drugs, to become criminals, to commit suicide.”

“Above all, children born and raised out of wedlock are far more likely to get pregnant as teenagers and have children out of wedlock themselves – and thus to begin the cycle anew.”

These factors have an obvious and immediate financial consequence for society: paying for the drug rehabilitation, psychiatric treatment, larger police forces, court time, jail space, and of course the next generation of unwed mothers and their children. More devastating than the financial consequences, however, are the moral consequences.

The people living this lifestyle lose their sense of personal responsibility, dignity, and self-worth. (We are discussing here situations wherein children are intentionally or recklessly conceived out of wedlock.) They develop the attitude that the government ought to provide them their basic needs. On the other hand, those who work to support themselves, and thereby provide for the poor through paying taxes, begin to resent those who receive the help. Thus, we have different segments of society hating and resenting each other. Moreover, those who work begin to feel that the government owes them something, as well. They begin to look for more and more services and handouts from the government, driven by the selfish attitude that they ought to get some “return” on their “investment”. The result is a nation degraded by citizens who complain that they are not being given what they “deserve”. Rather than going out, working, saving, and sacrificing to earn what we want to have, as our parents and grandparents did, modern Americans wait for a handout or a big win at the lottery. Even as we live the most luxurious lives known to man, we wallow in self-pity because we do not have everything we want. This is not how God wants us to live; He loves us, and wants much better for us.

The single-parent arrangement is not the only one that leads to trouble: not by a long shot. Another example is the household wherein both parents are career professionals. Rather than being content to live a simple lifestyle, both parents are working full-time jobs outside of the home in order to gain more and more material wealth, or at least to maintain a more luxurious lifestyle than they otherwise could. So, rather than seeing a father who sacrifices to provide for his family, or a mother who sacrifices to nurture her children, the children instead see two parents who are in continual pursuit of material comfort and worldly pleasure. Is it any wonder if such children grow to be selfish and materialistic? Again, rather than coming home to a mother who teaches and guides him, the teenager comes home to the television, which shows him all manner of fornication and violence – in the most glamorous light. Alternatively, since there is no one home to know where he is, he just stays out and involves himself in violence and fornication – and intoxicants.

These are by no means the only problems, which modern American families make for themselves. The list goes will continue in America with out strong Biblical standards. However, this book is not intended to change society, but to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. The above examples are offered as illustrations, to show what happens when we do not follow God’s pattern for the family. As with all of God’s instructions, He designed the family with our best interests at heart. When we follow His ways, we not only have heaven to look forward to, we also live better lives here. This rationally seen when we consider the impact the modern American version of “family” has had upon our children.

Five Approaches to Family and Marriage Conflict:

1. Avoidance: The most commonly used style in conflict management, reflects the belief that it is impossible to both accomplish our personal goals and maintain relationships while in conflict. The basic strategy of avoidance is to withdraw, avoid, suppress, and deny the existence of conflict. The person using this style is unassertive, neither pursuing his or her own interests in the situation, nor supporting others in achieving theirs. Avoided conflict will typically resurface at some point, most likely with more intensity and greater potential for destruction that when first identified.

2. Accommodation: The accommodating response to conflict is characterized by a high concern for preserving relationship, even if it means conceding one’s own goals. Relationship is preserved with out conflict. The accommodating party may feel guilty if he or she causes conflict. Other reasons for choosing this approach include a high need for acceptance by others, and the belief that accommodation will allow those needs to be met. The person who uses the approach of accommodation accepts the burden of responsibility for maintaining the relationship. Accommodation can be effective and ineffective in approaching conflict.

3. Competition: The competitive, win-lose style of conflict management is characterized by very high concern for the achievement of pers

onal goals, even at the risk of damaging or destroying relationships. The person who uses this style may not desire harm to come to others, but he or she is willing to sacrifice almost anything to achieve personal objectives. People who employ this type of style do not always go head to head with opposition. Some times they work subversively. At other times they us the power of words to humiliate and weaken their opponents, until they finally bring them under control. As with avoidance and accommodation, the challenge is not to decide whether competition is good or bad but rather when to wisely choose to use it.

4. Compromise: The person with a compromising style of conflict management proposes the middle ground to others. It reflects some willingness to compete for particular resolution but also some accommodation of the relationship between the parties. This approach is based on the premise that no one can be fully satisfied, so all those involved must submit some of their personal desires to serve the good of both parties. The sense of compromise can have a negative connotation. Compromise can lead to half-hearted commitments and reoccurring conflicts under the guise of new issues. Compromise like avoidance, accommodation and competition, can be appropriately and inappropriately utilized.

5. Collaboration: The collaborative style combines a high concern for both people and objectives. Moving beyond the adversarial positions of conflict. Understanding the true needs of the parties and use a creative process to find a mutually –satisfying solution. Collaboration is not always possible or even desired. Collaboration holds great potential for those in conflict. The effects of the collaborative style are positive when it is consistently applied. Increased trust, stronger relationships, enthusiastic implementing of goals and higher resolution of conflicts are often achieved

Crisis Intervention in Family and Marriage Counseling Conflict:

A state of disharmony between incompatible persons, ideas, or interests; that clash.
A striking or dashing together.

Intervention:

Any interference that may affect the interests of others; especially, with the affairs of another; mediation.

In mediation of crisis or conflict we often encounter danger and opportunity. Instinctively we avoid places where disagreement is common or potential for conflict is high, because we sense danger in those places.

The Latin word for conflict “confligere” means to strike together. This gives us a mental picture of physical conflict escalating to the point where one person angrily strikes at another. The situation presents danger to the people involved in the conflict and those around them.

Conflict has been described as a situation in which the concerns of two people appear to be incompatible. Conflict also exists when two people try to occupy the same place a the same time. They violate personal boundaries.

Wherever there is conflict, there is the possibility that how it is handled (or not handled) will result in those involved.

In Marriage and Family Conflict the crisis are most apparent in our differences over facts, methods, values, and goals.

Conflict over facts: What we believe to be facts.
Conflict over the methods: Not only do we differ what should be done, but we experience great disagreement over how it should be carried out.
Conflict over values: just as a conflict can arise and result from a clash of incompatibility of different perspectives on facts, and methods, it also can result over different values. Values are those ideas, habits, customs, and beliefs that are characteristic of social communities.
Conflict over goals: conflict is a clash of perspectives as people express different goals.

There is a clash of different perspectives on facts, methods, values, and goals.

Also the conflict will reveal and reflect different attitudes and emotions:

· It is interpersonal: Closely connected with who we are as people.

· It is intrapersonal: Closely related with how we interact with each other.

· Conflict is capable of bringing to the surface unconstructive emotions that are irrational.

· Conflict presents an opportunity to change, to struggle, to grow to reflect God’s power of reconciliation in relationships.

Anybody that is conflict free is not experiencing growth… the important changes in us takes place with in the framework of struggle.

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

theodoreawadjr@comcast.net

http://yacrisishotline.tripod.com/

http://youngadultcrisishotline.blogspot.com/

youngadultcrisishotline@comcast.net

Categories: Family and Marriage Counseling · marriage counseling

The Divine Commodity: Today many people choose churches like they choose groceries.

March 19, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Reviewed by Skye Jethani

Shopping for God: How Christianity Went from in Your Heart to in Your Face
by James B. Twitchell
Simon & Schuster, 2007
336 pp., $17.99

It’s an eye-catching cover and snappy title: Shopping for God. But page one reads, "This book is not about God." The discrepancy between cover and content, between the pitch and the product, is what James Twitchell has built his career upon. A professor of advertising at the University of Florida, he knows even the most sacred things have been reduced to commodities in our consumer culture.

Twitchell is a self-confessed "cold Christian" and "apatheist," someone who cares little about his own faith. But he is interested in "how religious sensation is currently being manufactured, branded, packaged, shipped out, and consumed."

What can church leaders gain here? A lot. Most of what we read about ministry leadership, outreach, and management is infused with a heavy dose of spiritual language—including the content of this fine journal. Twitchell propels the pendulum the other way. By removing God language, he asserts that most of what we assume to be fueled by divine power may actually be the result of market forces.

For example, based on research he says, "Chances are that if you go to your church and see a hymnal or a pew Bible in the rack in front of you, you are seeing the end of your church in the distance."

Commenting on mainline churches where over half the members are women over 60, Twitchell writes, "As any advertiser will tell you, when you see this demographic, you are not looking down the barrel, you have already swallowed the bullet."

With the precision of an academic and the wit of a humorist, Twitchell covers both historical and contemporary church issues. Like, how has the First Amendment impacted church competition? And even the origins of the ubiquitous altar call and church sign with movable type. He explains how the largest churches thrive by appealing to men.

Perhaps most helpful is Twitchell’s explanation of the economic concepts of branding. He writes, "While thinking about believers as customers seems almost too vulgar, thinking about consumers as believers is precisely what modern marketing is all about." Purchases determine identity. Church leaders can’t afford to ignore the effects of living in a consumer culture. Today, the way people choose a church is almost the same as how they shop for groceries.

In 1955 only 4 percent of people moved away from the church of their parents. In 1980 it was 30 percent. Today it’s 50 percent. According to Twitchell, "Religion is a choice pretending to be a calling." And the fastest growing denominations are those focused on selling their product (via outreach) because "The value of the next sale (the convert) proves the value of the previous sale (yours)."

No discussion of the American church scene would be complete without an exploration of the megachurch phenomenon. This is where Twitchell provides his most irreverent but eye-opening analysis. In a chapter titled, "The Megachurch: ‘If You are Calling about a Death in the Family, Press 8,’" he chronicles how just 10 churches drawing more than 2,000 people in 1970 has mushroomed to over 1,200 megachurches today. At the same time, 50 small churches a week are closing their doors.

With a chicken and egg argument, Twichell writes, "Megas concentrate on what makes the brand powerful: growth. What you sell is the perception that whatever it is that you are selling is in demand."

But Shopping for God ends on an ominous note: "Slowly but surely ‘this is not your father’s church’ is well on its way to becoming your father’s church" not only because the next generation won’t accept the mega brand, but also because the "pastorpreneurs" that launched them are mavericks, impossible to replace. The same market forces that created the megachurch may ultimately be its undoing.

Shopping for God is an illuminating and entertaining read, but be forewarned: Twitchell is not seeking to encourage pastors, and his irreverence will certainly bother you at times. But if you are looking for an outsider’s perspective, and if you have a thicker skin than most, I highly recommend his book.

Satisfaction is guaranteed.

Leadership Journal.
Winter 2008, Vol. XXIX, No. 1, Page 101

Categories: Church Palnting · leadership

Celebrate Recovery: THE TWELVE STEPS AND THEIR BIBLICAL COMPARISONS

March 18, 2008 · Leave a Comment

This has been a referral that our Young Adult Crisis Hotline uses on numerous occasions daily. We have had great feed back on every referral who responds to our follow-up calls. The referrals have commented that the meetings are non-judgmental and that they are greeted with open arms. I have been so personally impressed with Celebrate Recovery, personal investment and love of individuals. Therefore, I would highly recommend a local meeting in your area if you are in the midst of crisis because of life controlling problems. God Bless.

THE TWELVE STEPS AND THEIR BIBLICAL COMPARISONS

STEP 1
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18
STEP 2
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13
STEP 3
We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1
STEP 4
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40
STEP 5
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16a
STEP 6
We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10
STEP 7
We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
STEP 8
We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31
STEP 9
We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
STEP 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 1 Corinthians 10:12
STEP 11
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.
Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly. Colossians 3:16a
STEP 12
Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1

http://www.purposedriven.com/en-US/CelebrateRecovery/CR+Home+Page.htm

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Personal Development

Considering no one is perfect it is fair to say that there is always room for improvement. We all have strengths, weaknesses, and areas in which we can improve. Begin using these 25 winning principles for personal development to see real change right away.

1. Set goals for yourself.
2. Commit your goals to paper.
3. Expect to be successful.
4. Ask for what you want.
5. Be decisive.
6. Accept responsibility for your life and your actions.
7. Proactively seek opportunities to learn and grow.
8. Make it a point to learn from key experiences.
9. Seek the lesson in any failures, mistakes, and setbacks.
10. Look for the good in every situation.
11. Seek feedback.
12. Accept constructive criticism.
13. Adapt to changes.
14. Find ways to Effectively manage stress.
15. Balance work, ministry, personal, and family life.
16. Work effectively with little or no supervision or direction.
17. Meet commitments.
18. Face fears and challenges head on.
19. Believe in yourself.
20. Refuse to compromise.
21. Follow and trust your intuition.
22. Be confident.
23. Be persistent and never give up.
24. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive, forget, and let go.
25. Go the extra mile.

Throughout the entire addiction industry, there is a belief that addiction is an incurable disease; "Once and addict, always an addict." This belief results in a life-long attempt to manage the addiction rather than seek to permanently cure it. The mental health industry goes as far as to treat the surface effects of addiction through psychotropic medication rather than the root causes. The Bible teaches that the sins of the fathers are passed down to their generations. This supports the idea that the curse and disease of sin can be passed down. However, Christ b

ecame a curse on the cross in order to redeem us from the curse and healed "all manner of disease." We believe that a recovering addict is a new creation in Christ and has no need to confess that they are current addicts, rather former addicts.The new birth has made them new. Therefore state a new creation position usually translates into new creation living as a new creation. The greatest war is over a individuals mind. How an individual personally thinks in their mind about their identity. This most of the time reveals what is happening internally and who they belong to. The son or daughter of a King can claim by right the Kingdom of his Sovereign. We are when saved translated into the Kingdom of Christ from the kingdom of Darkness.

Text: Hebrews 10:10-14, "By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. 11And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins: 12But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; 13From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool. 14For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified."

Every person who has trusted Jesus Christ as his or her personal Savior has been positionally sanctified by the death of Christ on the cross. But our personal and experienced sanctification is an on-going process in our daily lives. We are continually being sanctified by the Holy Spirit who dwells within us. He is in the process of growing and maturing our Christian lives. How this process works has been long debated. Some suggest that we can and must be sinlessly perfect in this life before we can enter Heaven.

Others confuse the doctrine of salvation with the doctrine of sanctification. In salvation, we have been positionally made holy by Jesus Christ. We stand before God "complete" in the righteousness of Christ. In sanctification, we are continually being made holy in our personal lives, by the indwelling Spirit of God who lives within us.

In order to understand how we grow into spiritual maturity and holiness, let’s consider the biblical distinctions regarding sanctification and spiritual perfection.

THE CONCEPT OF PERFECTION

In the Word of God, perfection is presented in several ways

(1) Perfection describes Godliness. The word in the Old Testament has the meaning of "sincere" and "upright." Noah was "perfect" (Gen. 6:9, "These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God."); Job was "perfect" (Job. 1:1, 8, "There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil."… "And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?")

In avoiding the sins of the nations, Israel was to be "perfect" (Deut. 18:13, "Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God."); So, also, the saints of the Old Testament order will appear in heaven as "the spirits of just men made perfect" (Heb. 12:23, "To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,"). The Bible does not teach that these people were sinless. They were upright and godly, but they were not sinless.

(2) Positional perfection is permanent. "For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified" (Heb. 10:14). This is clearly the perfection of the work of Christ for us and not our work for Him. We are made "perfect" in Him and by Him.

(3) Personal perfection is progressive. "Are ye so foolish having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?" (Galatians 3:3). We are not saved by works, nor do we become perfect by our works. Rather, our outward behavior is a barometer of our inward spiritual maturity. We are continually being perfected as we mature spiritually.

(4) Perfection involves completeness. "That ye stand perfect and complete in all the will of God" (Colossians 4:12). "Make you perfect in every good work" (Hebrews 13:21). "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect [mature] and entire, wanting nothing" (James 1:4). God has begun a good work in us and He will continue to do it until He takes us home to heaven.

(5) Our ultimate perfection is in Heaven. Only in heaven will be sinlessly perfect. The word "perfection" as found in the New Testament is a translation from either one of two Greek words, one meaning "mature" and the other meaning "adjusted." And it is obvious that neither of these words has any reference to sinlessness. The Holy Spirit sanctifies us and delivers us from the Wrath of God. He also changes us as we become more and more like Christ in our daily lives. Only when we get to heaven will we have glorified bodies so that we cannot sin. Only then will we be sinlessly perfect.

THE DOCTRINE OF SANCTIFICATION

This doctrine is based on the use of the word "sanctify." The root meaning of "sanctify," "saint" and "holy" is that a person or thing is thereby said to be set apart unto God. The Bible makes it clear that believers are the objects of a three-fold sanctification:

First, Positional sanctification.

"But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us…sanctification" (1 Corinthians 1:30); "By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all" (Hebrews 10:10). Thus, also the Apostle addresses all believers as "saints," and in the Scriptures reference is made to "holy prophets," "holy brethren," "holy priests," "holy women," "holy nation." Such they are by their position in Christ. He even addressed the Corinthian believers as "saints" and as already "sanctified" (I Corinthians 1:2; 6:11); yet this very letter was written to correct those Christians because of sin in their lives. They were "saints" and "sanctified" in Christ, but were far from being such in daily life.

Second, Experimental sanctification.

This aspect of the work of God for the believer is progressive in some of its aspects, and is quite in contrast to the positional sanctification which is "once for all." It is accomplished by the power of God through the Spirit and through the Word: "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth" (John 17:17). Experimental sanctification in every c

ase is progressive. It should in no way be confused with incomplete yieldedness to God or incomplete victory over sin. Its meaning is that the knowledge of truth, devotion and experience are naturally subject to development By virtue of our present development, as Christians, believers experimentally are set apart unto God. That development should be advanced with each passing day by applying the spiritual disciplines of prayer, fasting, meditation, and worship.

Third, Ultimate sanctification.

Even experimental sanctification will be perfected when the saints are gathered into His presence in glory. I John 3:2 says, "When He shall appear, we shall be like him," and Romans 8:29 says, "conformed to the image of his Son"

PRACTICAL TRUTHS ABOUT SANCTIFICATION.

The Bible teaching in regard to sanctification, then, is:

(1) that all believers are positionally sanctified in Christ "once for all" at the moment they are saved. This sanctification is as perfect as He is perfect.

(2) All believers are being sanctified by the power of God through the Word and this sanctification is as perfect as the believer is perfect.

(3) All believers will be sanctified and perfected. This will occur in Heaven when we are conformed into the very image of the Son of God. The believer must consciously rely on the Spirit, to change his fallen sinful nature over which he, of himself, has no sufficient control. The Christian is saved and safe in the grace of God; but he cannot command himself into a God-honoring manner of life. For this he must rely upon divine power in order that he may be saved from the power of sin, as he has already relied on the power of God to save him from the penalty of sin. God loves us so much that He sanctifies us by the power of His indwelling Spirit. In this process He continually conforms us into the "image of Christ." That is, He makes us more and more like Christ as time goes on. God saves our souls, transforms our hearts, sanctifies our minds and changes our lives. In the end, He makes us ready for heaven by changing our lives here on earth.

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

Categories: Celebrate Recovery · TWELVE STEPS

Family & Recovery

March 14, 2008 · Leave a Comment

What is an addiction?

There are many, many definitions of addiction. Most definitions share three characteristics:

1) A person feels compelled to participate in a particular behavior,

2) This behavior disconnects the person from their life, relationships and work, and

3) Faced with negative consequences of this behavior, a person is unable to stopped the behavior.

There is one significant difference between someone who is addicted and someone who is not. When an addicted person has a problem due to his addictive behavior, he doesn’t change his addictive behavior.

Addiction in the Family

What is enabling?

Enabling is doing for others what they are capable of doing for themselves. When we enable addicts, we prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their own actions. When we do this, we discourage them from learning from their own mistakes which, in turn, prevents them from realizing they have a problem.

The addict has made addiction their whole life. The normal, natural things every person needs to learn have been put aside. When we continue to reach in and do even the simple things for people we love, how will they learn to do for themselves?

How do we enable?

We enable addicts by doing things such as:

Paying their bills, making car payments, covering bounced checks, paying bail, paying traffic tickets;
Making excuses for their behavior, changing appointments, calling employers on absenteeism, writing late or absentee excuses to schools, covering up for missed family functions;
Providing the addict with money, clothing, housing and food;
Caring for the addict’s family by allowing them to live with us, taking their children to school, babysitting, etc.

What does enabling do for us?

Enabling gives us a false sense of control. We do what society tells us a "good" father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter or friend should do, but we are not getting the results we desire. We feel frustrated and resentful. Because the addict’s behavior does not change, we think we have failed.

Our actions, done with the best of intentions, have back-fired. We have not helped the addicted. The addicted is farther away from accepting their hopelessness and personal responsibility

What is the difference between helping and enabling?

We need to look deep inside ourselves to determine the difference between helping and enabling. "How do I feel when I offer my help? What’s in it for me?" Checking your motives will help you decide when you are truly helping or when you are enabling.

Can you enable an addict (or anyone) who is not using?

We can enable anyone, using or not. Our enabling behavior patterns are not directed solely toward the addict and/or the addict’s sobriety. Enabling deprives anyone of experiencing the consequences of their own behavior to have personal responsibility.

Remember, when taking personal responsibility for our own behavior each one of us must find our own path. Experience teaches us that it is useless to lay out a path for someone else to follow. We must each make our own way to our goal.

When we enable, we put other people’s needs before our own.

Here are a few ways that addiction impacts a family.

Addicted parents are distracted.

Let’s face it. An addicted person is much more interested in their addiction than they are with almost anything else. Children need attention and care from their parents. If a parent’s attention is focused on something other than the child, the child might never get the care he or she needs to develop a healthy sense of self. Further, human predators (sexual and physical abusers, pornographers, kidnappers, etc.) prey almost primarily on children whose parents are distracted. Further, distracted parents are less likely to notice the change in their children after a human predator has hurt them.

An addict uses up family resources.

Often when a person becomes addicted, the family rallies to help the addict get back on track. They might pay for alcohol and drug treatment and attorneys to clean up the wreckage created by the addiction. They might spend month’s worrying, caring, and attempting to help their family member “recover”. Still, every family has finite resources and addiction is not s

omething that is easily solved. More times than not, as the addict works through their individual recovery including multiple relapses, legal involvement, loss of work or what ever path his addiction takes. Eventually, a family’s resources – including money, patience, kindness and time – are used up. In the meantime, as the family focuses on rescuing an addicted person, family resources are taken from other children, siblings and relationships. This leaves children without their parent’s attention, siblings disconnected from sibling support, and parents separated from each other. Families, who use all their resources helping the addict, are left with only exhaustion, frustration and financial strain.

For every addict there is a codependency.

Co-dependent people are the nicest people you will ever meet. They are giving and loving. In fact, that’s the problem. A co-dependent person will give of himself/herself until all of his/her personal resources are gone. Often he/she will change himself/herself to become what he/she believes you want him/her to be. Inside, a co-dependent person usually feels invisible, unworthy and completely alone. He/She might believe that he/she will only be loved for what he/she does, instead of who he/she is. HE/She will then exhaust himself/herself doing and never understand if someone loves him/her. His/Her internal world is filled with resentment, self-loathing, shame and anxiety. At his/her worst, he/she must control every person, place and thing in his/her life.

Who becomes co-dependent?

Children and families of addicts.

Playing a role for life

Addicted families organize around addiction. Children know to look for their parents at the bar. Wives work to support their alcoholic husbands. Husbands buy drugs to keep their addicted wives “happy”. Children who grow up in alcoholic and addicted families learn to behave in predictable roles to keep the family functioning. Addicted family roles include: the scapegoat, little parent, hero, mascot, chief enabler, and lost child.

Most children, who grow up playing one of these family roles, continue in that role as adults. Children who played the role of mascot become adults who struggle for someone to take them seriously. Many family heroes get to the end of medical school, law school or business school and wonder “Is this all there is?”. The child who is the family scapegoat will grow up to be scapegoated at work. Lost children often disappear from families never to return. And little parents often choose not to have children, significant relationships or long term work because they are exhausted from raising their siblings.

These roles are most often seen in the workplace because we tend to recreate our childhood environments at work. Lost children are usually the people who get “forgotten” on their birthday and overlooked for promotions. The work hero is the person who strives to be the very best employee the company has ever had. While the mascot’s ideas are never taken seriously, he does continue to facilitate fun and games. Of course, the little parent sends around birthday cards and arranges the work picnic. We have all seen the chief enabler working late, never saying “no” and facilitating even the most unreasonable deadline. Remember that guy that “needed to be fired” so that everyone else’s job was better? Well, after he was fired, someone else took his place as the scapegoat. It happens every time.

Children of alcoholics and addicts will continue to act out their family role as adults. If you see yourself in any of these descriptions, you are probably continuing to act out your childhood role as an adult. This only leads to disrupted relationships, difficulties at work and long term unhappiness. Further, many people suffer and stay stuck rather than shift their family role.

How to heal

Addicted families have their own set of problems. In order to heal, you must first acknowledge the addiction. Talk with your family. Other family members may be ready to talk about it.

Look at your childhood family role. Are you continuing to act that out? These roles were very adaptive when you were a child growing up in an alcoholic or addicted household. Playing your role helped you fit into the family and survive. As an adult, this role is no longer necessary or helpful.

Once you have acknowledged that you are playing a role, it is important to learn and understand why you are playing this particular role. Spend some time reviewing material about addicted family roles. Use your journal to write about the disadvantages of playing one of these roles and the advantages to not being authentic. Look at your extended family. What other roles do people play? Who plays a role similar to yourself?

Some prefer to adopt the motto “Never look back.” Others cling to the past or use it as an excuse for today’s dramas. This can be good or bad, depending on the situation.

Though often unrealized, help for codependency, alcohol and drug addiction should many time be a family affair. As people read through the addiction family roles presented they can often identify the person in their life who plays each role. Roles though present in situations without addiction, often become more apparent when an addict is present. Members will unknowingly take on specific stereotypes that can many times be classified as:

The Addict.
The Hero.
The Mascot.
The Lost Child.
The Scapegoat.
The Caretaker (Enabler).

The following information on each role, defines how many people are instructed when taking basic steps to begin overcoming roles individually. Each role is given a brief description for understanding one basis of family addiction recovery. A summary follows with information on how and why the roles lead to codependency. In a more functioning household, children often move fluidly between roles. When a parent is addicted to alcohol or drugs, the entire family is set up around the addict and their addiction. Children tend to follow designated roles as the family acts out the drama of addiction. Children develop these roles due to family dynamics. For a child in an addicted household, he or she will usually only fulfill one role. The parents and family will not acknowledge any behavior outside this family role.

Family Role’s

So what are addicted family roles?

They are:

Addiction and the Family Role 1, The Addict

The person with the addiction is the center, and though the key to alcohol and drug addiction recovery, not necessarily the most important in family recovery. The "world" revolves around this person, causing the addict to become the center of attention. As the roles are defined, the others unconsciously take on the rest of the roles to complete the balance after the problem has been introduced. Recovery many times on this person.

Addiction and the Family Role 2, The Hero

The Hero is the one who needs to make the family, and role players, look good. They ignore the problem and present things in a positive manner as if the roles within the family did not exist. The Hero is the perfectionist. If they overcome this role they can play an important part in the addiction recovery process.

The underlying feelings are fear, guilt, and shame. Hero. This child fulfills the family values. If the family values emphasize the need for advanced education and careers, this child can be the perfect student. If the family values are criminal in nature, this child can become a professional criminal. Addicted parents often brag about the hero child.

Inside, the hero feels tremendous pressure to achieve. It feels as if the entire family is depending on them to be successful. They will often put aside their needs in order to achieve. This child is particularly vulnerable to addiction due to the disconnection from himself/herself.

Addiction and the Family Role 3, The Mascot

The Mascot’s role is that of the jester. They will often make inappropriate jokes about the those involved. Though they do bring humor to the family roles, it is often harmful humor, and they sometimes hinder addiction recovery.

The underlying feelings are embarrassment, shame, and anger. Mascot. This is the fun and funny child. They are the life of the party. In fact, many family occasions cannot begin until the mascot arrives. The mascot child often “lights up” the room.

Inside, the mascot is terrified of family conflict. This child feels responsible for everyone getting along and will often intercede in family arguments with jokes to distract from the argument. While popular in school, this child struggles with any form of intimate relationship due to their fear of conflict.

Addiction and the Family Role 4, The Lost Child

The Lost Child is the silent, "out of the way" family member, and will never mention alcohol or recovery. They are quiet and reserved, careful to not make problems. The Lost Child gives up self needs and makes efforts to avoid any conversation regarding the underlying roles.

The underlying feelings are guilt, loneliness, neglect, and anger.

This is the forgotten child. The lost child is often left places or otherwise forgotten. In turn, this child becomes involved in their own world of books, fantasy or television. A lost child may have an entire world filled with friends and activities that the family knows nothing about.

Inside, the lost child feels very sad and alone. She is invisible to almost everyone in the family. Often, in adulthood, the lost child may completely disconnect from the family literally creating her own world.

Addiction and the Family Role 5, The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat often acts out in front of others. They will rebel, make noise, and divert attention from the person who is addicted and their need for help in addiction recovery. The Scapegoat covers or draws attention away from the real problem.

The underlying feelings are shame, guilt, and empty. o Scapegoat. This is the

problem child; the child who absorbs the family conflict. As a young child, the scapegoat might be blamed for things that he has not control over. This teaches the child that they will be in trouble no matter what they do. Therefore, by adolescence, the scapegoat acts out the family anger through aggressive acts, criminal behavior and difficulties in school. This child seems to always be in trouble.

Inside, the scapegoat feels hopeless and trapped. There is very little this child can do without getting into trouble. The scapegoat believes that something is significantly wrong with him.

Addiction and the Family Role 6, The Caretaker (Enabler)

The Caretaker (Enabler) makes all the other roles possible. They try to keep everyone happy and the family in balance, void of the issue. They make excuses for all behaviors and actions, and never mention addiction recovery or getting help. The Caretaker (Enabler) presents a situation without problems to the public.

The underlying feelings are inadequacy, fear, and helplessness.

As with any recovery, it is sometimes necessary and helpful to gather information, to better understand what others are seeing or feeling. For a family, information and help must be sought for the whole family before the recovery can be complete. Information and understanding may be all that are necessary to bring about recovery, but a specialist might also be necessary, since there may be grief and loss to overcome in the process. The quiz section outlines some of the negative effects roles have and leads into codependency.

The chief enabler is person who makes the addict’s life work. They generally absorb the consequences of the addict’s behavior. While the chief enabler is usually the other parent, it is not uncommon to have children fulfilling this role by working jobs to provide for the family, buying drugs or alcohol for the addicted parent, and enabling the addict to continue in his or her addiction.

Inside, the chief enabler feels very out of control. Their life revolves around the addict and the addict’s behavio
r. Because the chief enabler lives in response to another person, they are unable to live out their own wishes and dreams.

Addiction and the Family Role 6, Little Parent

This child usually functions as a surrogate parent. While the parent is immersed in their addiction, the little parent may take on the parenting of younger children and sometimes begin to parent the parents.

Inside the little parent feels overburdened by the responsibilities they have been given. While they gain esteem from the love they give and receive, they miss opportunities to be children themselves.

Addiction and the Family Roles – A Short Quiz

Healthy Family System:

Self worth is high.
Communication is direct, clear, specific and honest and feelings are expressed.
Rules are human, flexible and appropriate to change.
It is natural to link and be open to society.
Each person has goals and plans to get there, and should be supported by the family.

Rules in a dependent or addicted family

Dependents use of drug is the most important thing in a family life.
Drug use in not the cause of family problems, it is denial which is the root.
Blaming others, don’t make mention of it, covering up, alibis, loyalty of family enables.
Nobody may discuss problem outside the family.
Nobody says what they feel or think.

If the second set of rules describes your family, please continue.

Family Roles Lead to Codependency

Addiction and the Family Roles How the They lead to Codependency

The parts played by family members lead to codependency. Members make decisions concerning what the other person needs. Codependency leads to aversion and lack of self orientation in a situation where an addiction is present. Ultimately people "become" the part they are playing.

The goal in alcohol and drug addiction recovery is to bring each member as a whole into a situation where the problems can be dealt with. Individual talents and abilities should be integrated into the situation, allowing emotional honesty about the situation, without guilt or punishment.

The overall goal in overcoming codependency is to make each person whole. That wholeness is only truly found in accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

People become familiar with and dependent on the role they play in families. In overcoming the family roles, you will begin to overcome issues, and what could be classified as the addiction to the role. While the conquering of the substance is important to the person with the addiction. A point to remember is the substance(s) is not the key to family recovery, removing the underlying roles are.

In beginning recovery, each family member must become proactive against the addiction to the role, and learn to become their true self. The goal is for each to person to become independent, and then approach the substance addiction recovery as a group of individuals, rather than as people playing a part. Whole, independent people can freely contribute to the recovery of the person overcoming the addiction, while a person playing a part can only perform the role.

Starting Points:

Begin with yourself.
Find, and write a list of your strengths and weaknesses.
Build on what you have.
Let go of trying to be perfect and realize all people have some weaknesses.

A true person utilizes strengths, while building up their weaknesses.

Addiction recovery for the co-dependent role, is tough. You must be personally honest and decide what you like or dislike. This may be as simple as defining how you wish things were, without playing the part, and adding support or friends in areas, or as encompassing as rethinking the path of your life.

Refraining from forcing yourself to engage in activities, because of the codependency, is important to successful recovery from the addiction. There are many resources for co-dependent roles and overcoming these roles. Please, be honest in deciding if you have an addiction to a specific role in a relationship and find resources to help you in your recovery.

As you begin to understand, breaking the family role should become easier. Remember to be understanding of others also.

How much a family is affected by a substance use problem depends on how long they have lived with it, how advanced it is, how much shame and secrecy surround it, and the roles and responsibilities of the person with the disorder. If the problem is left untreated, family members will also develop destructive behaviors, such as denial, enabling, and co-dependency.

Because certain behaviors become routine, you may have trouble seeing how unhealthy they are, and how they contribute to the problem.

DENIAL

Denial occurs when family members do not recognize, or refuse to admit, that substance use is causing serious health, work, school, relationship, or financial problems. Family members are prone to denial about how serious the problem is, how it has "spread" through the family and affected family relationships, and how they themselves may contribute to the problem. As addiction in the family becomes more severe, the family’s denial may also, until the truth becomes so obvious and the crises so dramatic that denial doesn’t work anymore.

ENABLING

Enabling includes behaviors by family members that allow people with substance use problems to avoid the negative consequences of their actions. It can include many things, such as:

collecting money from family and friends to pay the person’s bills.
repeatedly covering up for someone at work.
moving someone when they pass out in the living room.
staying silent in the face of repeated inappropriate or destructive behavior.

Enabling can be done by parents, siblings, co-workers, supervisors, neighbors, friends, teachers, doctors, or therapists. Although enabling begins as a way to protect the person from harm, the enabler eventually becomes part of the problem.

CODEPENDENCY

Like enabling, the term co-dependency refers to being over-involved in another person’s life, having a preoccupation with other people’s behavior and a sense of guilt when not tending to the other person’s needs. the "rules of codependency" as the following:

It’s not OK for me to feel.
It’s not OK for me to have problems
It’s not OK for me to have fun.
I’m not lovable
I’m not good enough.
If people act bad or crazy, I’m responsible.

In His Grace Forever,

Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

http://www.hopelinks.net/

References:

Categories: YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY · family and recovery · young adult crisis hotline · youngadultcrisishotline

What is Personal Responsibility?

March 11, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Developing Personal Responsibility

Though adoption of Christ

Titus 2:11-12

(The below emphasis comes from the Greek translations and root Translations)

After all, God’s saving Grace (unmerited favor of saving kindness and life of Who God is, what He has performed past , present, and in the future will perform in the Constance of God’s Character and Nature) has appeared (BRINGS TO LIGHT,revealed) for the benefit (deliverance, freedom, emancipation, liberation, release, rescue, recovery, salvation, of all people (everyone). It trains (re-patterns, re-parents, instructs, rationally mentally convinced) us to avoid (say “NO” to, turn our minds from, forsake, renounce) godless (self-indulgent) lives filled with worldly(cosmic, corrupt, earthly torments hostile to God) desires (pleasures, passions) so that we can live soberly(sensible, Rationally GOD-controlled, discrete, the rational expression of God’s mind which changes our mind from irrational to rational thinking), justly (uncorrupted integrity, Honest, and authentic, transparent), and (in a way that shows that we are serving a Living God) godly (spiritually whole and uprightly though Christ-like righteousness) lives in this present world (age, time).

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE GOD’S RELATIVE?

You may be asking yourself WHY we are talking about being GOD’S RELATIVE when the topic is personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is directly connected to our Adoption from God. If our paths to personal responsibility are rooted in self, it will lead to self-reliance, independence, self-preoccupation, behavior-modification, self-righteousness, self- assurance, religion (man’s attempt to please God) and eventually pride or idolatry. When we depend, yield, and surrender to God’s adoption we become interdependent. Our new God given Adoption is the basis of our responsibility. It becomes personal because of our new nature birthed within us from God.

Adoption is not a work of grace only in us, but an act of God’s grace without us.

The Grace of God is who God is, and what He has done past, present, future, the every sided unalterable character and nature of God. Many times we want to alter the Grace, Character and Nature of God to our own understanding in relativism. We want to create it in our own image. This then becomes idolatry. Where we worship the one side of His Grace and alter the image of who God is and what He has done. We create our own side of Grace instead accepting the every sided grace.

1 John 9 times john called us little children

Romans 8 He calls us his adopted children, belonging to the Father.

Hebrews 12:6, 7, 10 We see the side of the father who loves and wants the best for us so much to the degree to by Grace teaches us because true love will take that risk.. He is not willing to give us a one sided message of altered Grace.

The grace of God is who God is and what he has done: the attributes of God that flow with one another in a constant circle and won’t contradict each other. The Grace of God is God’s name that flows to our cup (capacity) and overflows to others.

He paideuo (pahee-dyoo’-o) us…. By training, instruction, caring discipline, which causes one to learn, like a loving daddy would instruct his child. He moulds our character. The stairway to character in one stair at a time! We are taught to learn.

He pours himself (His Name) into our cup of our capacity and re-parents us. Often grace is misapplied to focus upon the outward behavior of an individual, Grace really goes much deeper into the internal problems where people are bound in sin and have no capacity to on their own change. This is what Grace does; it gives us new capacity that allows God to re-parents us.

The new interwoven internal capacity that allows God to re-parents us can only be clearly understood when we realize what the Grace message is not:

1) The Grace message is not, we can continue to pervert our body. We can continue to destroy our capacity and devastate our future.

2) The Grace of God does not stand idly by letting us live like a whore leaving us in a cesspool of sin …..Watching us prostitute our life to worldliness and the devil’s will for our life.

3) Grace does not condone, excuse, or overlook our personal sin and behaviors, because that would be sin. This same grace will meet the sinner and will re-parents the sinner to new lines of thinking in Psalm 16:6 and Eph 4:23. He by training, instruction, caring discipline, and causes one to learn like a loving father would instruct his child with new impulses, new mind, and new paths. He wants to work much deeper on the inside.

God wants to have Fatherhood (daddy’s) love for his dear children. Grace never kills an individual’s personal capacity, it causes healing and deliverance internally. A bone that has been crushed and broken needs to be cast and healed in a process. Sometimes the bone needs to be set and re-broken to heal properly inwardly. This is the grace proce

ss. The bone is broken inwardly and needs repair not only outwardly but also inwardly.

If you alter this message of the unalterable Grace of God it then becomes idolatry. We worship the one side of his Grace and alter the image of who He is and what he has done. We side with a one sided message. The same Grace that meets me and accepts me just as I am is that same Grace that does not condones, excuses, or overlooks me to be devastated by my own choices. When you worship one side of his Grace and alter the true image of Grace you enter into Jude 4…….. Lasciviousness: preaching a form of Godliness shamefully with no power.

Time and time again parents and young adults, ask me why? Many times some young adults develop their relationship with God horizontally only and not vertically. We cannot be their relationship with God. They have to let their heavenly daddy personally re-parent them.

Choices belong to us, consequences belong to God

· Heaven was a perfect environment and Lucifer fell with a 1/3 of the angels.

· The garden was a perfect environment and man fell.

· No church is a perfect environment, it is a wonderful environment.

· We cannot blame our environment.

The broken lives and countless young people are being healed and reconstructed daily by our ministry. We have numerous success stories of young people that have come through the valley and in the end have thanked God for the valley.

Developing Personal Responsibility

Titus 2:11-12

(The below emphasis comes from the Greek translations and root Translations)

Personal Responsibility is often associated with a place to be helped with some kind of problem or addiction such as drinking, drugs, pornography, or some other life-controlling issue, self-defeating behavior, or unwelcomed character traits. Yes, this is can be a principle venue; however, the emphasis should be our spiritual growth which infuses our irrational thinking, which stimulates unwelcomed behaviors, therefore changes our irrational thinking to a rational thinking re-patterned to Christly mind which helps in overcoming. It is not about just overcoming; it is being overcome with Christ as Lord of our minds through the rational expression of God’s Mind (Living Word of God). We can always wrestle with our temptations through our own efforts, but we might as well be Jacob wrestling with God (Gen. 32). We will succeed as long as God allows and as long as Satan allows. Thus, we must flee from him to be in God’s mind and thought (James 4:7-10)!

Effective Personal Responsibility has the emphasis on building quality and deep relationships that will help us with the following (1 Thess. 5:14 Col. 3:16 Heb. 3:13 Prov. 25:12; 27:17):

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

· Adhering ourselves to God’s Word and call!

· Learning to commune with God more deeply so we can respond to His precepts more rapidly and thoroughly.

· Prayer that is not just about our personal needs but also with the needs of others!

· Reigniting our passion for Christ!

· Becoming teachable, and our thinking and behaviors examined!

· Being willing to recognize sin both in our lives and in the lives of others, as well!

· Being willing to learn about ourselves!

· Being willing to have healing in our lives!

· Being willing to see the needs of others!

· Being willing to overcome, and to be on guard concerning weaknesses and strengths.

· Being able to trust, share, and commune with another person in depth.

· Being willing to overcome issues that are bad for us.

· Knowing that we need others to keep us on track!

· A willingness to be challenged, convicted, molded, and sharpened so we can change and grow.

· Help to develop better and deeper fellowship a

nd unity with others!

· A platform to be transformed and renewed in Christ’s Mind!

· Becoming more sensitive and discerning!

· Learning to develop the fruit of the Spirit and exercise it.

· Being willing to confess and hear others in love and confidentiality—without judgment.

· Being encouraged and encouraging others!

· Developing godly, Christ-like character!

· Learning to take risks, be vulnerable, and overcome rejection and betrayal.

· Learning that God has called us to be involved in the lives of others and that we are not to be lone ranger Christians!

· Learning that we are to be patient, because Personal Responsibility is built over time!

· Learning that deep connections do not just happen between services of the church; we have to work at them in authentic community.

· Learning that we are at our best when we are being real and authentic.

· Learning about Christ’s redemption and our ability to mind change. Mind change causes Behavior change progressively through Grace not rules.

· Learning we can be used by God to be change agents in the lives of others as tools of God’s influence.

· Learning that relationships require effort and commitment.

· Developing harmony with others so we can communicate, and being transparent without being defensive.

· Developing maturity and spiritual growth!

· Leaning to be humble and wise!

· Allowing the work of the Holy Spirit within us and being used by Him in the lives of others as well!

· The ability to bust the noise of our will and desires, as we need a godly rational perspective we can hear over that noise!

· A reminder that God is in control, even in times of dire stress and confusion!

· Trusting in God and keeping His standards because they are best for us; there is no better way than His Way!

· Understanding that Personal Responsibility takes place in the crucible (a refractory made of porcelain, used for melting and purifying materials such as gold at high temperatures, that also refers to the confluence of powerful Personal Responsibilities such as intellectual, social, economic, or political) of community with other growing Christians!

· Knowing we need Personal Responsibility for our support, faith development, and growth!

· Knowing that Personal Responsibility takes our initiative, commitment, and continuance in it!

· We have no need to hide our sins from those who are entrusted to help us deal with them.

Leading a lawless, indifferent, irreverent life while having a faith that is just fire insurance from Hell may save you—may; however, you will reap dire consequences for this mindset (Deut. 18:15; Matt. 22:13-14; 23;1 Cor. 10:11-13; 2 Cor. 5:11)!

God designed the church as the body of Christ. Thus, we are called to utility and cooperation so we can be there for one another in times of fun as well as stress. We are called to encourage and equip as well as hold each other responsible to the commitment we have made in Christ as Lord.

But exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

What to Look For In From Personal Responsibility And/or influence Partner or Group?

To get involved in a Personal Responsibility group and/or influence Partner, first look for an existing one you can join such as a small group through your church or a neighboring church if your church does not have one. Make sure it is gender specific—men to men and women to women. Most of these groups are found under men’s or women’s ministries. If none are available or you are not led to one, hook up with another two or three people and start your own. You can find people through a church leader or pastor. In this process, make sure you are in prayer, asking God to lead you in the right direction! The substance of why and what you are doing is more important than the form of how you do it. The key to making this work is for you and the other participants to be open, submissive, listening, and authentic so you can confess your sins in a safe, confidential environment.

Personal Responsibility and influence Partner or Group Will Have:

· Look for Non-judgmental confidentiality

· Look for people whom you already know or have a connection with such as a common interest or season in life.

· Look for people whom you respect, trust, are mature in their faith and character, and from whom you can learn so you can develop closeness and share shortcomings!

· Look for people who maintain a loving and respectful attitude!

· Make sure you use God’s Word; it is your mirror for our personal standards for faith and practice of our Christian life!

· Make sure no one dominates unless it is a teacher teaching. Have equal airtime so all can be involved. Thus, the number of people to have depends on the length of time you meet. If you meet for an hour, have no more than four people. If you meet for two hours, have no more than seven. If you are in a larger group, have a teaching time, then break down into sub groups for Personal Responsibility questions and prayer.

· Be willing to be flexible and surrender your time when another person needs extra time and care.

· Participants need to respect the feelings and time of others, and to speak the truth in love.

· Communicate ground rules or a code of conduct, clearly emphasizing confidentiality and equal time.

· Make sure prayer is the focus!

· Seek guidance from others who can maturely guide you, who have been there, done that—who have “weathered the storms” and are able to share it. Look for people you can shepherd and guide faithfully.

· Seek those who can help you adhere to God’s standards rather than to the world’s standards.

· Seek faithfulness and constancy!

· Use humor, but not at the expense of others!

· Be committed, and encourage others to be so, too!

· Remember, the primary purpose is to get yourself aligned with God’s love, call, and precepts over all else.

· The more mature people must teach the immature—not the other way around.

· Be aware of your pride, and never allow your maturity and growth to be a source of pride or use it to put others down!

· What you do not want is people teaching you who are prideful, who only care about themselves, or who are irritable, presumptive, judgmental, "too busy," and neglectful of others! Make sure you are not this way to others! Humility builds the bridges to individuals. Meekness allows us to have the consciousness of God’s thoughts. This takes lowliness of mind and years of development to change our irrational thinking to the rational thinking of God. This will always remain a process and be a system of developmental progress throughout our entire Christian journey.

There is no best way or program to “do” Personal Responsibility. It can be a “one-on-one” mentorship or a large group that is subdivided into smaller ones; it can meet for one hour or two, once a week or every other week. The important thing is to do it, remain committed, and to follow Christ and not yourself. If you do not “click” with the people in your group or feel you do not have a level of trust, that is OK; this may not be the group or person for you. Look for or start another one.

How to practice personal responsibility and personal influence?

We do this with Paramount principles by our perception and eyesight toward others with the eyes of Christ—to see through the lens of love, compassion, and forgiveness. Take the one another passages to heart, and when we do instruct, warn, or even correct, do it in the parameters of the fruit of the Spirit, without judgment or commendation (as there is no such thing in Christ!). Then, we can be open and honest with one another. God gives us the faith, the strength, and the empowerment to do this, and when we are with others, it is synergized! It is not about our weakness, it is about His strength! When we rely on God and build one another up, we grow in faith and maturity and become more effective to one another. This is reciprocal, and will replicate and continue.

So, what is the final obstacle remaining? The continual commitment in Personal Responsibility is not just for a time, it is for all times, and requires our discipline and dedication to keep at it. If we stop, we soon go back to our fears and complacency. When this happens, sin that before was of no consequence has now grown big and is knocking on your door. Reoccurring commitment is essential to making anything that is precious work, from a friendship to marriage to being a member of a church. We must be purposed, deliberate, persistent, devoted and continual. Commitment brings about hope and growth through sacrifice, as we pour ourselves into it while being fueled by our Lord our capacity is build internally and therefore others around us are influenced to have their own capacities dug deeper by Grace.

Titus 2:11-12

(The below emphasis comes from the Greek translations and root Translations)

After all, God’s saving Grace (unmerited favor of saving kindness and life of Who God is, what He has performed past , present, and in the future will perform in the Constance of God’s Character and Nature) has appeared (BRINGS TO LIGHT ,revealed) for the benefit (deliverance, freedom, emancipation, liberation, release, rescue, recovery, salvation, of all people (everyone). It trains (re-patterns, re-parents, instructs, rationally mentally convinced) us to avoid (say “NO” to, turn our minds from, forsake, renounce) godless (self-indulgent) lives filled with worldly(cosmic, corrupt, earthly torments hostile to God) desires (pleasures, passions) so that we can live soberly(sensible, Rationally GOD-controlled, discrete, the rational expression of God’s mind which changes our mind from irrational to rational thinking), justly (uncorrupted integrity, Honest, and authentic, transparent), and (in a way that shows that we are serving a Living God) godly (spiritually whole and uprightly though Christ-like righteousness) lives in this present world (age, time).

The structure is up to you and your group. How do you lead an effective Personal Responsibility group? The same way you would a small group. Please see the resources we have developed for you:

Take it slow and easy. Don’t try, or even expect, to immediately delve into the deepest, darkest corners of your life. Begin by having your close friends hold you responsible for things like praying regularly and integrity issues. As you see the results and benefits of this, you will also be building up trust, which is necessary for Personal Responsibility in more personal and private areas. If you need further help in this area, seek a qualified and trusted pastor or Christian counselor. Also, seek someone to whom you can be responsible. Do not just trust yourself; have a small group or mentor ask you these questions on a regular basis!

Remember that Christian maturity and character is “Christ-likeness,” becoming more like our Lord by living out His precepts. This is not a destination until we are called home to eternity; meanwhile we who are on this journey must make the most our opportunities. We can learn and grow deeper and closer or we can repel and become worldlier. This journey and the road you will take is your choice and in God’s providence (James 4:13-17)! So, go and be sharpened, and be a sharpener to others as well! In His Word and in prayer, watch your life grow and be transformed and triumphant!

Being a disciple of Christ and making disciples requires devotion, nurturing, commitment to the Word, and worship. Most mature Christians would agree on these basics, but other things required include discipline, the ability to be studious, and to be responsible. Our basis and starting point is God’s character. Peter tells us “we are to be holy because God is holy.” (1 Peter 1:16), and the way we can respond to this call is by being responsible in our personal lives as believers and as a church. So, we need to realize that one of our calls is to participate in conflict management so the wickedness of our nature does not get out of hand and so our relationships and opportunities do not fail. God’s Word gives us the guidelines and focus for proper confrontation and the management of problems so we can be more effective in His service.

Do not allow personal influence or Personal Responsibility in your Christian life or in your church to become a forgotten call!

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

Categories: forgotten call · influence · influence Partner · iron sharpens iron · personal influence · personal responsibility · personal standards

Understanding and Developing Christian Influence

March 11, 2008 · Leave a Comment

What is Christian Influence?

Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, 24:6; 27:17; 2 Corinthians 12:19-13:6; Galatians 6: 1-10; Ephesians 5:21; Colossians 3:9-10; James 5:16

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:25

What is Christian Influence?

It is a check and balance system to protect us from harm from ourselves and others. We do this by being open to what we are thinking and doing so we can receive encouragement and reproof, when needed. Christian Influence is accounting for what we are up to. It is the realization that we are liable, personally responsible, and answerable for our actions in life to God (Matt. 12:36; Rom. 2:16; 14:2; 1 Cor. 3:10-15; 4:5; 2 Cor. 5:10), as well as to key Christians in our life (John 13:34 Gal. 6:1-2; Philip. 2:4; Heb. 10:23-24; James 5:16). Thus, we need to hold to our beliefs and keep in line with what we believe so it does not distract us from God’s path for us or discourage others from their path.

Influence allows us to be personally answerable to one another, focusing on key relationships such as with our spouse, close friends, colleagues, coworkers, a boss, small group members, and pastor. It is sharing, in confidence, our heartfelt Christian sojourn in an atmosphere of trust. Then, we can give an answer for what we do and understand where we need help in areas where we are weak and struggling, where and how we are growing, what we are learning, and to be encouraged. These precepts help us to stay on track, and get prayer, care, and support when we fail. We can also model guideposts for one another in order to keep going.

Influence enables us to share our lives with one another. This helps us to get to know ourselves and others in a deeper manner. Even though most of our relationships in life tend to be casual and superficial, we need deep connections; that is what God has made us for (Eccl. 4:10-12; Rom. 12:5; 14: 13-23; Eph. 5:21; Col. 3:9-10; 1 Peter 3:15). In this, we can have a place to open up, share, and be challenged beyond sports, weather, fashion, or makeup. The goal is our spiritual formation which is Christian maturity, growth, and character derived from God working in us and our working out our faith with one another.

Some Christians have seen in Christian influence groups as a place to vent all of their frustrations in life. Yes, we need a place to vent, but if all we do is vent, we accomplish nothing. Real growth cannot take place, as the venting will be all consuming and will leave no time for instruction or feedback. The group will merely become a place to gossip. Having Spiritual Influence is also not a secular group to find our inner child, inner warrior, or warrior princess. Influence is not about just complaining about how life has dumped on us or a place to put others down; rather, it is a “compact” (a deeper agreement beyond a contract) and system on how to become more Christ-like (Psalm 133:1). A good Influence group will have questions, Bible study, prayer, listening, and support at its core.

Influence is not about confrontation. We may, at times, need to be confronted and to confront another, but Influence is more about challenging one another to grow in Christ, so there is no need to rebuke people. Influence helps instill the warning precepts that God has given us, but it also has the necessary support, counsel, encouragement, and affirmation we all need. Influence enables us to be …in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others (Rom. 12:5). This enables our connectedness to lay aside the island mentality. We do not stand independent of one another. Because such interdependency exists within the Body of Christ, we are responsible to one another to do our part and to help others do theirs.

As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don’t need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don’t need you!" . . . If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it

(1 Cor. 12:20-21, 26).

Why Do We Need

Personal Responsibility?

We are responsible to God and to one another (2 Chron. 19:6-7; Ezek. 34:2-4; Matt. 12:36-37; 2 Pet. 2:10-11). We are all fallen creatures; as Christians, we are still fallen, but are saved by His grace. We are declared clean before God by our Lord’s work; however, we are still full of sin. We all have items and thoughts in our lives that diminish our relationship with God and our effectiveness with others. There is still a process on which to embark to become cleaner (which I believe we never totally become); this is called sanctification. As Christians, we are in the process and practice of our faith, growth, learning, and maturity all the days of our lives. At the same time, we are still sinners and susceptible to temptation, spiritual warfare, and our misplaced desires. We have blind spots and need input from others to find them. If you really want to grow in faith and be effective in ministry, you must be held personally responsible; otherwise, you will fall, backslide, or be ineffective because of imbued pride. Sin will get you; maybe not today, but tomorrow is still coming. Influence is essential for every Christian to help reach his or her full potential; it is a mandate to those in leadership and ministry!

Having other people around whom you can trust and get to know more deeply will enable you to know yourself—your strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities—more deeply. You will be able to see in the mirror to your inner being and desires and see if they line up to what God has for you. You will become more aware of issues, relationships, and life as life’s purpose and God’s call are unfolded before you. Because you see life and God’s Word more deeply, your behaviors and response to others will also change for the better (Eccl. 4:8-12; Rom. 15:7; Eph. 4:9-13; 1 Thess. 5:11; Heb. 10:24; James 5:16).

The pages of the Bible are filled with stories of people leaning on others for growth, personal influence, personal responsibility, and spiritual development. Deep connections from influence help great leaders overcome their struggles and see what they cannot see on their own. Most prominently in the Old Testament are Moses and Aaron (Exodus), and David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 18-20). In the New Testament are Paul and Barnabas, and then Paul with Titus, Silas, and Timothy (

Acts 11-14; 2 Cor. 2:12). And, of course, our Lord Jesus, while He walked this earth, had His twelve with an extra connection to the inner three, Peter, James, and John.

Thus, we can surmise that personal responsibility and influence is not for just for those who are weak, needy, or for wimps; it is for the strong who want to be stronger and the unconnected who need to be connected. If you think, as a man, this is still just for the weak, consider that greatness and authenticity cannot come about without humility and connection (James 4:7-12; 1 Pet. 5: 1-11)! “Real men” will be personally responsible to other real men, and real godly women will be connected to other godly women (Prov. 31). There is no way around this vital call! God gives us the call to be deeply connected to one another because we need it. The leaders in the Bible knew this well, Jesus modeled this for us, and the only hindrance is our willingness to comply. Leaders and pastors who are not personally responsible will eventually fall, and, until then, be very ineffective! God has called you to be the iron that sharpens others’ iron, as their iron will sharpen you (Prov. 27:17)!

Influence is nothing new, although it seems it is by the topics of sermons and books or from some popular movements within the last ten years; however, it was practiced by pious Jewish teachers before Christ. Influence was insisted on and practiced by Christ, Himself. Just observe how Jesus led the Disciples and how He modeled to the Disciples. This was picked up by the early church; the Reformers all had men in their lives who held them to account, in whom they trusted, took advice from, bounced ideas off of, and who prayed for them.

Calvin was especially a proponent of Influence and insisted all of His leaders be held in personally responsible, “believers (who) seriously testify, by honoring mutual righteousness among themselves, that they honor God.” It was the system he established that became the model of the “check and balance” system of modern governments, first established in the U.S. in our Constitution. The Methodist movement, founded by John Wesley, was started as an Influence and prayer group. Every effective minister, leader, and growing Christian I have ever met was in some form of an Influence group, including Billy Graham and my mentor, Francis A. Schaeffer. In fact, I have never met an effective Christian, pastor, or leader who was not in an personal Influence group. For every bad and ineffective leader I have ever met, none of them believed in or practiced Influence! This should communicate to us loudly.

Thus, the bottom line of why we need spiritual Influence is, we will be tempted; and, unless we have a system to protect ourselves, we will fall to that temptation (Prov. 6:27; 1 Cor. 6:18, 10:14; 1 Tim. 6:9-11; 2 Tim. 2:22)! The world is rich in temptations and we cannot fight against them effectively unless we allow the One who overcame the world to infuse us (John 5:4), and not love the world (1 John 2:15). It comes down to having trusting faith in Christ, and allowing His work in others to help keep us connected to Him. His empowerment will be the synergist when we are connected with others whom we trust and who can warn us of coming dangers in our pursuits and thinking, encourage us when we are down, and who will hold us responsible. The love of God is often best reflected in the love and care of others. Allow that care to shield you from the wrong pursuits in life.

Many Christians think, all I have to do is leave Satan alone and he will leave me alone so I do not need Influence. The response to that is no, he will go after you even more! We will be tempted by Satan and by his Influences that seem enticing but will only hurt us. Satan seeks, not to give us what we want, but to steal from us all that which God has given. Thus, if we submit to God, then the devil flees; if we run to Satan and his ways, God is far off from us. We can try with all of our might and effort to have Influence, but unless others are there for us, and unless we are headed toward God, it just will not work! The only thing that can thwart Satan is God. So, be in Him and not in the world (Eph. 6:10; James 4:7-10; Rev. 12:11).

James is saying to first turn to God and surrender to His ways. If not, the ways of Satan and the world will gladly take up that role. We need others in our lives to point out to us the pitfalls before us, as we may not see them ourselves, blinded by desires and wanderlust. We cannot do this solely by our own efforts and strength; we need others, too. Others will see what we refuse to see, or what is blocked by our desires. It is about the insight of others and the power of the Spirit working in us all. It is not the strength of others; rather it is their eyes, words, and assistance, and our allowing God to be our strength. To remove Satan from our lives, we have to fell him—not just ignore him, but run away from him and to God, and allow others to help us in our scurry.

Objections to Influence and personal responsibility

Influence and personal responsibility may seem to go against our self-sufficient, individualistic mind-sets and fear of conviction. Most cultures and individuals like to be “my own person,” and thus do “my own thing.” Most people do not like being told what to do or how to do it. But, we need godly people in our lives to do just that—with love and care. Thus, we have to learn to overcome our barriers of conviction so we can grow more in Christ and with one another.

Many Christians see Influence as meaningless because conviction is the role of the Holy Spirit (John 14:17; Acts 1:8; 4:31; 10:45; 2 Cor. 3:18; Eph. 3:16-17; Heb. 13:5-6). Yes, they are correct about the conviction part, and wrong to say that it does not matter. Why? Galatians tells us to carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 6:2). The meaning refers to moral issues and guarding weakness (Rom. 15:1-3; 1 Cor. 9:21).Take heed, we are also personally responsible and answerable for our actions in life to God and to other key Christians. Thus, we need to be held to our beliefs and kept in line about what we believe so it does not distract us from God’s path for us or discourage others from their own path.

The other typical objection believers give is that we are not under any kind of law, and now we have liberty and Grace, so it does not matter. A prominent Christian leader a few years back asked me, after I had done a workshop on Influence, Why is this important? Can’t I just live my Christian life as I please? After all, I have liberty in Christ! I answered him to the best of my ability, but he just would not get it; shortly thereafter, he fell and fell hard. It turned out he did not like spiritual Influence and personal responsibility because he has been having a long-term affair. He did not want to be convicted! Our liberation is not to protect us from conviction; it is to enjoy our Lord so we can pursue His precepts as we realize our indebtedness to Him.

Liberation simply means Christ has set us free (John 8:32-36; Rom. 6:3-23; Gal. 5:1). Paul was overcome by his liberation in and by Christ (Mark 7:18-19). He stressed that we must behave and be personally responsible in the correct manner. We many enjoy our freedom, but freedom does n

ot entitle one to do anything one wants, just as living in a “free” county like the U.S. does not, as we cannot steal or murder or not pay taxes. What about free will? Yes, we have “free will;” Calvin spent most of his writings discussing this fact. He taught that we have personal responsibility, and duty to faith and prayer, three areas that require free will. We are still to allow His work to continue in us; the Holy Spirit will lift our sin and our will out of the way. If you truly give up your will to God, will you be liberated or would you be obligated as a servant/slave with no real life as you would see it? The fact is that you are free in Christ! The question is how will you live your life of freedom?

The liberty of the Christian life is by surrender. It gives us:

1. Freedom from law. (Rom. 3:19; 6:14; -15; Gal. 2:20-21; 3:23-25)

2. Forgiveness, acceptance, and access to His presence. (Rom. 5:1-2)

3. Freedom from having to base our acceptance on our performance. (Rom. 7: 7-11; 10:3)

4. Freedom from sin, and declared cleaned! (John 8:34-36; Rom 3:19; 6: 3-23; 1 Cor.15: 16; Gal. 3:10-20; 4:21-31)

5. Freedom from our own faulty thinking and superstitions. (1 Cor. 6:12-13; 8:7-13; 1 Tim. 4:1-5)

Because of these five reasons, we respond with obedience—not out of obligation (as a slave does), but out of gratitude and love. This new obedience is because of a changed heart and will. We are enabled to respond and continue in our new life by the Holy Spirit. Influence helps us in our freedom in Christ, because we give up on our self will and focus on His. Like driving a car in a strange unfamiliar area and making Christ a passenger, we, as human beings, spend most of the time arguing, complaining, and debating the destination. Yet, we do not have a clue to where we are going. If we would allow Christ to get into the driver’s seat, He would be able to take us where we could never have gone before. In addition, if we sign over the “pink slip” to our Lord Jesus Christ, then He will take us to places that, even in our wildest imaginations, we could never fathom. Then, perhaps the love we are to receive and exhibit will flow ever so much more freely! The bottom line is: Influence is letting Christ drive! Influence becomes the map to keep us moving on His road to His destination; if we throw away the map, then we go in the wrong direction; we will never get to the destination, and perhaps, even crash. It begins when we stop to ask for directions, His Directions!

We are not to allow our liberation and freedom in Grace to cause people to stumble by our actions or inactions. Our faith and actions are monitored closely by God as well as by other people, and we must realize that our actions are more influential than our words. We will either lift people up or bring them down! Hypocrisy is perhaps the most deadly threat to new or weak Christians who fall victim to it, and is a heinous sin against Christ and His children by those who cause it! We, as a body of Christ, must seek to show right actions to one another, to be cautious, and to act with charity, humility, and self-denial within our Christian liberty. We are still called to be responsible in the correct manner. We may enjoy our freedom, but freedom does not entitle us to do anything we want. A true Christian will never destroy another person’s faith so he can have his own way! Our freedom must not bring dishonor, division, or disrepute to the church.

The first two objections are from theological standpoints, but what most of us struggle with is emotional—our fears and cultural hesitations. Connecting with others and exposing our feelings may be much easier for most women; but, for men, this is sometimes a seemingly impenetrable barrier. It can be a scary business to share your feelings and be open and transparent, as people may betray us, belittle us, or ignore or step on our heart. And to tell you the truth, yes, that can happen. It has happed to me several times, as close Influence partners have betrayed confidences and spread rumors. However, the benefits have far outweighed the few times I have been wronged.

Women tend to be better at opening up than men, especially generations born before 1965. We were brought up to think that a man is to show no emotion or share feelings—the John Wayne type. This makes a good movie character but is not good biblical character. So, we become fearful of sharing our lives with our spouse, coworkers, or even a trusted friend. These fears debilitate relational connections and the support we need in life and in ministry as well as hamper trust (Rom. 8:15). Another factor that ties in with this is shame. We feel embarrassed or that we are the only one going though this. We may feel they will reject me when they get to know me. Or, we feel no one will understand or they will think less of me. The fact is, as growing Christians in Christ, when we get to know one another, we get to know ourselves as well; love supercedes judgment and care overpowers fear. This leads to forgiveness and openness. If we let our shame and fear rule our emotions and ability to be held responsible, we will not be able to share or receive godly instruction. Thus, sin will rain upon us. When we start to realize that the love and care we send and receive is far better than the isolation we build, it will allow us to grow more in maturity and faith because we will be open and honest. As a result, all of our relationships and our ministry will vastly improve.

We need to realize we are already accepted by Christ. He no longer condemns us, as, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus… nothing can separate me from the love of God (Rom. 8). Thus, to be in a Christian Influence group, you are in a group with sinners who all have been wounded, all who fear, all who are saved by grace, and who all are together exercising the faith. We are all in the same boat here. We learn of one another’s battles which helps us with ours, and ours helps with theirs. Insights are gained and shared, and the transformation from fear to maturity commences. Together, we are not to be ashamed of who we are in Christ, living out our faith with passion and conviction. The real shame is a Christian who does not seek help from God and others. Being Personally responsible will promote healing and growth in all aspects of your life!

Remember, people will hurt you, because people who hurt are usually hurting themselves and they do not know how to relate (which an Influence group can help with). What can we do to overcome this obstacle? Be vulnerable, yet discerning. Only allow people whom you already know and trust to be a part of your support group, and advance slowly. Start off with a few of the simple questions and prayer; as you get to know one another, you will build the trust. (I did not do this with the people who betrayed me!) When we feel safe, we are more apt to share; this goes for both men and women. When we feel safe, we better receive essential positive feedback, listen to constructive criticism, and have a longer and deeper prayer time.

The key to effective spiritu

al Influence is to allow our pride to yield to the necessity of being personally responsible to one another. Our justification in Christ is no escape from bad things happening, because the world is still full of sin. It is a starting point to build and develop character, patience, and dependence on God’s grace, as Abraham did by faith; we are responsible for our choices. God approves when we are walking in Him! God does not approve when we are walking by ourselves, comfortable in our own petty presumptions, and ignoring His love and truth!

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

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1) THE TESTIMONY OF GOD IS GREATER THAN MAN’S AND IT IS ABOUT HIS SON

Categories: Christian Influence · Friendship · Friendships are made · Whole Community · Whole Solution for the Whole Community · YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY · personal responsibility · young adult crisis hotline · youngadultcrisishotline

Heart and Mind Defined: Biblical ViewPoint

March 7, 2008 · Leave a Comment

A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE

It is vital to look at word definitions in the original language, the root word that the word is derived from, the use or context of the word, when looking at the old and new testaments

HEART (lebh, lebhabh; kardia): The different senses in which the word occurs in the Old Testament and the New Testament may be grouped under the following heads:

Bodily Organ Various Meanings:
It represents in the first place the bodily organ, and by easy transition those experiences which affect or are affected by the body. Fear, love, courage, anger, Joy, sorrow, hatred are always ascribed to the heart–especially in the Old Testament; thus courage for which usually ruach is used (Ps 27:14); joy (Ps 4:7); anger (Dt 19:6, "while his heart is hot," lebhabh); fear (1 Sam 25:37); sorrow (Ps 13:2), etc. Hence, naturally it came to stand for the man himself (Dt 7:17; "say in

1. Heart and Personality:
As representing the man himself, it was considered to be the seat of the emotions and passions and appetites (Gen 18:5; Lev 19:17; Ps 104:15), and embraced likewise the intellectual and moral faculties–though these are necessarily ascribed to the "soul" as well. This distinction is not always observed.

2. Soul and Heart:
"Soul" in Hebrew can never be rendered by "heart"; nor can "heart" be considered as a synonym for "soul." Cremer has well observed: "The Hebrew nephesh ("soul") is never translated kardia ("heart"). …. The range of the Hebrew nephesh, to which the Greek psuche alone corresponds, differs so widely from the ideas connected with psuche, that utter confusion would have ensued had psuche been employed in an unlimited degree for lebh ("heart"). The Biblical lebh never, like psuche, denotes the personal subject, nor could it do so. That which in classical Greek is ascribed to psuche (a good soul, a just soul, etc.) is in the Bible ascribed to the heart alone and cannot be otherwise" (Cremer, Lexicon, article "Kardia," 437 ff, German edition)

3. Center of Vital Action:
In the heart vital action is centered (1 Ki 21:7). "Heart," except as a bodily organ, is never ascribed to animals, as is the case sometimes with nephesh and ruach (Lev 17:11, nephesh; Gen 2:19; Nu 16:22; Gen 7:22, ruach). "Heart" is thus often used interchangeably with these two (Gen 41:8; Ps 86:4; 119:20); but "it never denotes the personal subject, always the personal organ."

4. Heart and Mind:
As the central organ in the body, forming a focus for its vital action, it has come to stand for the center of its moral, spiritual, intellectual life. "In particular the heart is the place in which the process of self-consciousness is carried out, in which the soul is at home with itself, and is conscious of all its doing and suffering as its own" (Oehler). Hence, it is that men of "courage" are called "men of the heart"; that the Lord is said to speak "in his heart" (Gen 8:21); that men "know in their own heart" (Dt 8:5); that "no one considereth in his heart’ (Isa 44:19 the King James Version). "Heart" in this connection is sometimes rendered "mind," as in Nu 16:28 ("of mine own mind," Vulgate (Jerome’s Latin Bible, 390-405 A.D.) ex proprio corde, Septuagint ap’ emautou); the foolish "is void of understanding," i.e. "heart" (Prov 6:32, where the Septuagint renders phrenon, Vulgate (Jerome’s Latin Bible, 390-405 A.D.) cordis, Luther "der ist ein Narr"). God is represented as "searching the heart" and "trying the reins" (Jer 17:10 the King James Version). Thus, "heart" comes to stand for "conscience," for which there is no word in Hebrew, as in Job 27:6, "My heart shall not reproach me," or in 1 Sam 24:5, "David’s heart smote him"; compare 1 Sam 25:31. From this it appears, in the words of Owen: "The heart in Scripture is variously used, sometimes for the mind and understanding, sometimes for the will, sometimes for the affections, sometimes for the conscience, sometimes for the whole soul. Generally, it denotes the whole soul of man and all the faculties of it, not absolutely, but as they are all one principle of moral operations, as they all concur in our doing of good and evil."

5. Figurative Senses:
The radical corruption of human nature is clearly taught in Scripture and brought into connection with the heart. It is "uncircumcised" (Jer 9:26; Ezek 44:7; compare Acts 7:51); and "hardened" (Ex 4:21); "wicked" (Prov 26:23); "perverse" (Prov 11:20); "godless" (Job 36:13); "deceitful and desperately wicked" (Jer 17:9 the King James Version). It defiles the whole man (Mt 15:19,20); resists, as in the case of Pharaoh, the repeated call of God (Ex 7:13). There, however, the law of God is written (Rom 2:15); there the work of grace is wrought (Acts 15:9), for the "heart" may be "renewed" by grace (Ezek 36:26), because the "heart" is the seat of sin (Gen 6:5; 8:21).

6. Process of Heart Renewal:
This process of heart-renewal is indicated in various ways. It is the removal of a "stony heart" (Ezek 11:19). The heart becomes "clean" (Ps 51:10); "fixed" (Ps 112:7) through "the fear" of the Lord (verse 1); "With the heart man believeth" (Rom 10:10); on the "heart" the power of God is exercised for renewal (Jer 31:33). To God the bereaved apostles pray as a knower of the heart (Acts 1:24–a word not known to classical writers, found only here in the New Testament and in Acts 15:8, kardiognostes). In the "heart" God’s Spirit dwells with might (Eph 3:16, eis ton eso anthropon); in the "heart" God’s love is poured forth (Rom 5:5). The Spirit of His son has been "sent forth into the heart" (Gal 4:6); the "earnest of the Spirit" has been given "in the heart" (2 Cor 1:22). In the work of grace, therefore, the heart occupies a position almost unique.

7. The Heart First:
We might also refer here to the command, on which both the Old Testament and New Testament revelation of love is based: "Thou shalt love Yahweh thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might" (Dt 6:5); where "heart" always takes the first place, and is the term which in the New Testament rendering remains unchanged (compare Mt 22:37; Mk 12:30,33; Lk 10:27, where "heart" always takes precedence).

8. A Term for "Deepest":
A bare reference may be made to the employment of the term for that which is innermost, hidden, deepest in anything (Ex 15:8; Jon 2:3), the very center of things.
This we find in all languages. Compare Eph 3:16,17, "in the inward man," as above.
J. I. Marais

HEART

The heart is the center of the physical, mental, and spiritual life of humans. This contrasts to the normal use of kardia (“heart”) in Greek literature outside the Scriptures. The New Testament follows the Old Testament usage when referring to the human heart in that it gives kardia a wider range of meaning than it was generally accustomed to have.

First, the word heart refers to the physical organ and is considered to be the center of the physical life. Eating and drinking are spoken of as strengthening the heart (Genesis 18:5; Judges 19:5; Acts 14:17). As the center of physical life, the heart came to stand for the person as a whole.

The heart became the focus for all the vital functions of the body; including both intellectual and spiritual life. The heart and the intellect are closely connected, the heart being the seat of intelligence: “For this people’s heart is waxed gross… lest at any time they should… understand with their heart, and should be converted” (Matthew 13:15). The heart is connected with thinking: As a person “thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). To ponder something in one’s heart means to consider it carefully (Luke 1:66; Luke 2:19). “To set one’s heart on” is the literal Hebrew that means to give attention to something, to worry about it (1 Samuel 9:20). To call to heart (mind) something means to remember something (Isaiah 46:8). All of these are functions of the mind, but are connected with the heart in biblical language.

Closely related to the mind are acts of the will, acts resulting from a conscious or even a deliberate decision. Thus, 2 Corinthians 9:7: “Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give.” Ananias contrived his deed of lying to the Holy Spirit in his heart (Acts 5:4). The conscious decision is made in the heart (Romans 6:17). Connected to the will are human wishes and desires. Romans 1:24 describes how God gave them up “through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies.” David was a man after God’s “own heart” because he would “fulfill all” of God’s will (Acts 13:22).

Not only is the heart associated with the activities of the mind and the will, but it is also closely connected to the feelings and affections of a person. Emotions such as joy originate in the heart (Psalms 4:7; Isaiah 65:14). Other emotions are ascribed to the heart, especially in the Old Testament. Nabal’s fear is described by the phrase: “his heart died within him” (1 Samuel 25:37; compare Psalms 143:4). Discouragement or despair is described by the phrase “heaviness in the heart” which makes it stoop (Proverbs 12:25). Again, Ecclesiastes 2:20 says, “Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labor which I took under the sun.” Another emotion connected with the heart is sorrow. John 16:6 says, “because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart.” Proverbs 25:20, describes sorrow as having “an heavy heart.” The heart is also the seat of the affection of love and its opposite, hate. In the Old Testament, for example, Israel is commanded: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason with your neighbor, lest you bear sin because of him” (Leviticus 19:17 RSV). A similar attitude, bitter jealousy, is described in James 3:14 as coming from the heart. On the other hand, love is based in the heart. The believer is commanded to love God “with all your heart” (Mark 12:30; compare Deuteronomy 6:5). Paul taught that the purpose of God’s command is love which comes from a “pure heart” (1 Timothy 1:5).

Finally, the heart is spoken of in Scripture as the center of the moral and spiritual life. The conscience, for instance, is associated with the heart. In fact, the Hebrew language had no word for conscience, so the word heart was often used to express this concept: “my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live” (Job 27:6). The Revised Standard Version translates the word for “heart” as “conscience” in 1 Samuel 25:31 (RSV). In the New Testament the heart is spoken of also as that which condemns us (1 John 3:19-21). All moral conditions from the highest to the lowest are said to center in the heart. Sometimes the heart is used to represent a person’s true nature or character. Samson told Delilah “all his heart” (Judges 16:17). This true nature is contrasted with the outward appearance: “man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7 RSV).

On the negative side, depravity is said to issue from the heart: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Jesus said that out of the heart comes evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander (Matthew 15:19). In other words, defilement comes from within rather than from without.

Because the heart is at the root of the problem, this is the place where God does His work in the individual. For instance, the work of the law is “written in their hearts,” and conscience is the proof of this (Romans 2:15). The heart is the field where seed (the Word of God) is sown (Matthew 13:19; Luke 8:15). In addition to being the place where the natural laws of God are written, the heart is the place of renewal. Before Saul became king, God gave him a new heart (1 Samuel 10:9). God promised Israel that He would give them a new spirit within, take away their “stony heart” and give them a “heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 11:19). Paul said that a person must believe in the heart to be saved, “for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness” (Romans 10:10). (See also Mark 11:23; Hebrews 3:12.)

Finally, the heart is the dwelling place of God. Two persons of the Trinity are said to reside in the heart of the believer. God has given us the “earnest of the Spirit in our hearts” (2 Corinthians 1:22). Ephesians 3:17 expresses the desire that “Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith.” The love of God “is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:5).

I) HEART DEFINED IN THE BIBLE

[Vines Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, [W.E. Vine, Edited by F. F. Bruce, Fleming H. Revell Co. Old Tappan, N.J., 1981, pp. 206-207]:

"The word came to stand for man’s entire mental and moral activity, both the rational and the emotional elements…

As to its usage in the N.T. it denotes

(a) The seat of physical life, Acts 14:17; Jas. 5:5;

(b) the seat of moral nature and spiritual life, the seat of grief, John 14:1; Rom. 9:2; 2 Cor 2:4; joy, John 16:22; Eph. 5:19; the desires, Matt. 5:28; 2 Pet 2:14; the affections, Luke 24:32; Acts 21:13; the perceptions, John 12:40; Eph. 4:18; the thoughts, Matt. 9:4; Heb. 4:12; the understanding, Matt. 13:15; Rom. 1:21; the reasoning powers, Mark 2:6; Luke 24:38; the imagination, Luke 1:51; conscience, Acts 2:37; 1 John 3:20; the intentions, Heb 4:12; cp. 1 Pet 4:1; purpose, Acts 11:23; 2 Cor 9:7; the will, Rom. 6:17; Col. 3:15; faith, Mark 11:23; Rom. 10:10; Heb. 3:12.

The heart, in its moral significance in the O.T., includes the emotions, the reason and the will.

II) HEART FAITH VS HEAD FAITH

[Robert N. Wilkin states, 'SAVING FAITH IN FOCUS', Journal of the GRACE EVANGELICAL SOCIETY, Grace Evangelical Society, Irving, Tx, Robert N. Wilkin, Editor, p. 49-50]:

"HEAD FAITH, HEART FAITH, AND MIND GAMES

How do you convince someone that saving faith is not just faith in the gospel, that it includes commitment, turning from sins, perseverance in obedience, and the like? Since there is no verse in Scripture that identifies saving faith as anything other than believing the gospel, you’d have a hard time proving your view from the Bible. However, there is an easier way.

The best way to sell the idea that saving faith includes the kitchen sink is through the use of pejor

ative terms like intellectual faith or head faith. Then they espouse the idea that the Bible teaches that the faith that truly saves is heart faith.

There is a tract called ‘Missing Heaven by Eighteen Inches.’ It argues that you would miss heaven if you believed the gospel with your head rather than with your heart. Head faith is dangerous, it suggests, because you may think you are saved simply because you believe the facts of the gospel. Yet without the heart commitment, that ‘faith’ is not saving faith at all.

Heart faith can include almost anything. However, heart faith raises potential problems. How much commitment, turning from sins, obedience, and the like is enough? The biblical evidence demonstrates that this supposed distinction between head faith and heart faith is really a mind game.

First, the Scriptures never refer to the head as the source of thinking and feeling. In addition, the word head is never associated with faith in the Bible.

The word head occurs approximately 330 times in the Bible. Of those, the vast majority refers literally to the head. The figurative uses include lifting up the head, which refers to being placed in a position of honor or having one’s former status reinstated (Genesis 40:13; Job 10:15), blood or wickedness being on the head, which refers to a guilt and judgment coming against persons for their wicked deeds (1 Kings 2:37, ‘Your blood shall be on your own head,’ 1 Samuel 25:39, ‘The Lord has returned the wickedness of Nabal on his own head’), and head as ruler or authority over others (2 Samuel 22:44, ‘head of the nations,’ 1 Corinthians 11:3, ‘the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God’). There is absolutely no biblical warrant for speaking of head faith.]

Second, of the two remaining words, heart and mind, the Scriptures often use them interchangeably.

For example, ‘Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind‘ (Psalm 73:21). There is synonymous parallelism here. That is, the two halves of the verse are saying the same thing using synonyms. To be grieved in your heart is to be vexed in your mind. The same thing is evident in Hebrews 8:10, ‘I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts.’ Mind and heart are used synonymously there.

Another example is found by comparing Luke 24:25 and Luke 24:45:

‘O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken.’

‘And He opened their understanding [lit. mind], that they might comprehend the Scriptures.’

Those two passages are talking about the same thing. The disciples were slow of heart to believe the prophetic teaching of the Old Testament Scriptures regarding His resurrection. So what did Jesus do? He opened their mind that they might comprehend those Scriptures. There is no difference whatsoever here between believing in the heart or believing in the mind. Compare also 1 Samuel 2:35; Psalm 26:2; Jeremiah 11:20; 20:12; and Ephesians 4:17-18]

Both [expressions] refer to the inner self where one thinks and believes and feels.

The mind is associated with believing in at least three passages (Luke 24:45; Romans 14:5; Ephesians 4:17-18). In these three passages the words believe and faith do not occur. However, synonyms are present. Luke 24:45 [was previously discussed]. In that text, opening of the mind is shown to be antithetical to being ’slow of heart to believe’ (verse 25). Romans 14:5 reads, ‘Let each be fully convinced in his own mind." Ephesians 4:17–18, which, like Luke 24:45, equates the heart and mind, says, ‘The Gentiles walk in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened… because of the blindness of their heart.

Third, the mind is not viewed as being inferior to the heart in Scripture. In one of the most famous verses on sanctification in the Bible, Paul exhorted the believers in Rome, ‘Be transformed by the renewing of your mind‘ (Romans 12:2). Similarly, he exhorted the Ephesians believers, ‘Be renewed in the spirit of your mind‘ (Ephesians 4:23), Paul spoke to the Corinthian believers of having ‘the mind of Christ’ (1 Corinthians 2:16). Luke said that the Lord ‘opened [the disciples'] understanding [literally mind in Greek], that they might comprehend the Scriptures,’ that is, the Old Testament Scriptures, concerning His resurrection (Luke 24:45).

Fourth, while the words believe and faith occur approximately 450 times in the Bible, only a few passages specify where belief takes place. They speak of believing as though the reader of Scripture knows what that means and where it occurs.

One passage, Romans 10:9-10, directly speaks of ‘believ[ing] in your heart.’ That is set in contrast with ‘confess[ing] with your mouth.’ The former is internal; the latter external. The former is by faith alone. The latter includes works. ‘Confessing with your mouth the Lord Jesus’ is the action that involves commitment, obedience, and turning from sins, not ‘believing in your heart that God raised Him from the dead.’ Nor is believing with your heart defined as some special kind of faith that might rightly be called heart faith. Paul is merely indicating that saving faith takes place internally, as opposed to confessing Christ in word and deed, which takes place externally….."

{Incidentally, re: [Ro 10:9]:

(v. 9) "that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved."

"If you confess" = The word confess in the original text, ("homologeses"), comes from the root words ‘homos’ meaning ’same’ (from which we get the English word homogeneous), and the Greek word ‘logo’ meaning ‘to speak’. It literally means to say the same thing, i.e., to acknowledge what is evident already on the mind. In this case what is evidently already on the mind is that Jesus is Lord. An individual will have it in his mind that Jesus is Lord when he becomes born again through faith alone in Christ alone as Savior, (1 Jn 5:9-13). Then and only then does an individual have the potential of having Jesus Christ as their Lord – only after He becomes his Savior unto eternal life.

The confession when it does occur, (i.e., the acknowledgment that), one’s Lord is Jesus Christ – can only come after having been saved not before. It must first be received as a truth by faith alone in Christ alone unto justification, (Ro 10:10a), before it enters the mind as being something one can express with one’s lips making it known that one is saved.

The order of faith unto eternal life and then confession is confirmed by the grammatical construction of verse 9: Verse 9
is a reverse cause and effect statement with the effect, confession, coming first – in the subjunctive mood and the cause, (believing), coming second. We know this because the conjunction "ean" which precedes the clause "’confess with your mouth" is the conjunction which is used to introduce the effect in the third class "if" condition and the verb is in the subjunctive mood both of which project a possibility of maybe one will and maybe one won’t confess:

So the first part of the verse is the effect, the result: some will and some won’t confess with their mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord as a result of believing unto eternal life. Thus the second part of the verse, (cause & effect are in reverse order), is the cause, the ‘if’ portion: if you believe:

"If you… …believe in your heart." = When you believe then you may or may not confess that Jesus is Lord = if you do then the cause of that confession is that you believed!

Finally, the third part of the verse: "..you will be saved" is connected with the second part: believe. It is not connected with confess such that confession is required and its omission will block salvation.

So to paraphrase this verse with the meaning that the original language provides, we have the following: ‘The possible result is that you will confess (maybe you will and maybe you won’t) with your mouth Jesus as Lord as a result of the cause that you believed in your heart that God raised Him from the dead which belief alone is what results in your being saved.’}

"Four other passages, none of which is dealing with saving faith, indicate indirectly that belief takes place in the heart (Mark 11:23; 16:14; Luke 8:12; 24:25). However, in each of those verses the point is just that belief takes place internally. And, as we have already seen, in the last of those passages believing in the heart is equated with believing with the mind.

Believing in Christ is the sole condition of eternal life. There is no such thing as special types of faith called heart faith and head faith. Saving faith doesn’t include commitment, obedience, or turning from sins. It is merely the conviction that Jesus is speaking the truth when He says, ‘He who believes in Me has everlasting life.’ (John 6:47)."

II) SAVING FAITH DEFINED IN 1 JN 5:9-13 AS ACCEPTING THE TESTIMONY OF GOD

A) [1 Jn 5:9]:

(v. 9) "We accept man’s testimony, but God’s testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which He has given about His Son."

This verse states that the testimony of God is superior to any man’s because God is Who He is:

He is Sovereign and Almighty. And the particular testimony that author John points to here is the testimony of God which He has given about His son relative to trusting in Him unto salvation unto eternal life to which the next 3 verses attest]:

B) [1 Jn 5:10]:

(v. 10) "Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe God has made Him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about His Son."

1) BELIEVING IN THE SON OF GOD IN THIS CONTEXT = BELIEVING IN HIM AS CHRIST, AS ONE’S MESSIAH TO SAVE YOU UNTO ETERNAL LIFE

The context of this has already been established in the first verse of chapter 5:

a) [Compare 1 Jn 5:1a]:

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God…."

[Kenneth S. Wuest states, ('Ephesians and Colossians in the Greek New Testament', Wm B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. Grand Rapids, Mich, 1963, p15):

“Christ” is the transliteration of christos which means 'anointed'....

...In the Church Epistles, the word does not refer to our Lord in His official capacity of the Messiah of the Jewish nation, but as The Anointed of God, the Person chosen from the Godhead to be the anointed Prophet, Priest, and King to accomplish the purposes of God in the plan of salvation."

So to believe that Jesus is the Christ is to believe that His purpose as the Christ = to be your Savior unto eternal life, is true resulting in the reception of becoming born of God, i.e., saved unto eternal life:

b) [Compare Jn 1:12-13]:

(v. 12) "Yet to all who received Him [Christ, (v. 1)], to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God -

(v. 13) children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God."

2) BELIEVING IN THE SON OF GOD AS CHRIST = MESSIAH TO SAVE YOU PRODUCES THE RESULT OF HAVING THE TESTIMONY OF GOD IN ONE’S HEART, I.E., ONE’S MIND

"Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony [of God] in his heart."

Believing in the Son of God [to save you, (vv. 1, 11)] produces the result of having this testimony of God in one’s ‘heart’, (i.e., in one’s mind, ref. Heb 4:12). This means that one accepts the truth in what God has said, i.e., His "testimony" about His Son relative to eternal life. And Scripture teaches that God will then deliver on His promise of eternal life to that individual who believes, (Jn 3:16; 36; 5:24; 6:47; etc.). Notice that there is no stipulation made that the acceptance of the testimony of God about His Son, i.e., belief in Christ as Savior had to occur in the heart as opposed to the head or mind.

3) ANYONE WHO BELIEVES IN THE SON [TO PROVIDE ETERNAL LIFE FOR HIM] HAS THIS TESTIMONY OF GOD’S IN HIS HEART = MIND = MENTAL UNDERSTANDING

"has this testimony in his heart" = in his mind, (Jn 12:40; Eph 4:18; Mt 9:4; Heb 4:12, etc.). Scripture equates the expression ‘in his heart’ with ‘in his mind’.

Anyone who believes that the Son will provide eternal life for him has this testimony in his ‘heart’ such that it is a part of his mental understanding that he is now saved unto eternal life.

(v. 10 cont.) "Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe
God has made Him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about His Son."

4) ON THE OTHER HAND ANYONE WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE GOD’S TESTIMONY ABOUT HIS SON MAKES GOD OUT TO BE A LIAR

"Anyone who does not believe has made Him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about His Son."

Disbelieving the testimony of God that eternal life is secured solely through believing in the Son of God is tantamount to calling God a liar. So to be saved one must believe in the testimony of God about His Son relative to eternal life. Anything less and anything more than a one time moment of accepting the testimony of God about His Son relative to eternal life, i.e., believing in it would make this verse untrue. And the next verse tells us what that testimony is which individuals must believe in order to have eternal life]:

C) [1 Jn 5:11]:

(v. 11) And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.

1) THE TESTIMONY OF GOD ABOUT HIS SON IS THAT GOD HAS GIVEN THE GIFT OF ETERNAL LIFE TO MANKIND THROUGH HIS SON

Notice that eternal life is described as something that is given, i.e., a gift, (cp Eph 2:8), to mankind and that gift it is established is in the possession of the individual, i.e., given to him, when he believes the testimony of God about eternal life being through His Son. So believing the testimony of God about His Son incorporates such testimony within the mind of the individual, (v. 10), resulting in that individual having the Son, i.e., having eternal life]:

D) [1 Jn 5:12]:

(v. 12) He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life."

1) HAVING THE SON = BELIEVING IN THE TESTIMONY OF GOD ABOUT HIS SON = HAVING ETERNAL LIFE

"He who has the Son has life" = He who believes in God’s testimony about His Son – that the Son will provide eternal life for him if he merely believes in the Son doing this, has eternal life, (Ref. v. 10)

2) HE WHO DOES NOT HAVE THE SON = HAS NOT BELIEVED IN GOD’S TESTIMONY ABOUT HIS SON = DOES NOT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE

"He who does not have the Son of God does not have life." = To have the Son means to believe that He will provide eternal life for you. To not have the Son is to not take God at His Word, (i.e., believe), that the Son alone will provide eternal life for you. And he who has not believed in Christ as Savior "Does not have [eternal] life."

a) [Compare Jn 3:18]:

"He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already [unto condemnation], because he has not believed in the name of the One and only Son of God."

"believed in the name of" = believed in the capacity and willingness of God to grant eternal life as a gift – just for trusting alone in Him alone, (Jn 3:1-18; Ro 3:21-24).

3) IF YOU BELIEVE WHAT GOD HAS TESTIFIED TO ABOUT HIS SON THEN YOU WILL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE BECAUSE GOD SAYS SO

If you believe what God has testified to about His Son, then you will have eternal life because God says so. God being Who He is as it is clearly indicated in verse 9: a sovereign God Whose testimony is greater than man’s, He will deliver. And John writes these verses about eternal life for the following reason]:

E) [1 Jn 5:13]:

(v. 13) I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you many know that you have eternal life."

1) JOHN’S MESSAGE OF ETERNAL LIFE WAS WRITTEN SO THAT ALL WHO BELIEVE IN THE NAME OF, I.E., THE CAPACITY OF, THE SON TO PROVIDE ETERNAL LIFE FOR THEM MAY KNOW THAT THEY HAVE ETERNAL LIFE

So, taking God at His Word about eternal life through His Son provides assurance that you do NOW possess the gift of life everlasting in heaven never to lose it, (cp. Eph 1:13-14).

Consider if one could know now at the point of faith alone in Christ alone that one is absolutely saved, then it obviously would not depend upon any future thoughts, words, or deeds of the believer only on the faithfulness of God to keep His promise. Man needs to add nothing to the Gospel of Grace.

GRACE + NOTHING

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)

Categories: Biblical perspective · Wounded Heart · YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY · biblical viewpoint · viewpoint · young adult crisis hotline · youngadultcrisishotline

Whole Solution for the Whole Community

March 7, 2008 · Leave a Comment

We are a faith-based organization for at-risk young adults. We are committed to helping families in crisis with troubled loved-ones through a referral network of Christian ministries that provide diverse services complimenting each other for the purpose of healing and restoring broken families. We also provide immediate support and crisis counseling at the moment of the call. We help process the individual through the crisis they are involved to a place of personal responsibility and the depth of a rational mind change.

Oftentimes people in crisis can be defiant, have numerous overlapping life controlling problems, because of frustration are unmotivated, involved in immoral lifestyles, including promiscuity, drug abuse, alcohol and other facets of outright rebellion that are directly connected to idolatry. The underlying root cause of sin (to choose to turn off the mark) is idolatry (1 Cor. 10:1-14). Idolatry can be defined as: When we hold in high esteem, regard, honor the created and not the creator God. We begin to ask the questions that take the individual from a place of irrational thoughts about themselves to a ration thought process that causes them to be convinced about their state and want a change. We get enslaved to what we love more than God. How do we define our individual idolatry? What are we giving our allegiances, value, time, energy, money, life to? It is also important for us to consider that also Good created things we can give ourselves over to, for these things we love. Things such as family, employment, our pastors, and numerous other good things can enslave us, people could gladly choose Good things to enslave themselves. Good things do not mean that they cannot become out little gods.

It is important for us to find out what enslaves us so we can define what the underlying root cause of the surface problems that is evident in our life. Answer these questions and they will lead to what enslaves you?

· What are your greatest fears?

· What do you care about most?

· What are you passionate about?

· What motivates you every day?

· Where do you run for comfort?

· What do you complain about?

· What makes you the extremely angry?

· What makes you the most happiest?

· How do you explain yourselves to people or introduce yourself to people?

· What are you mad at God about?

· What are you mad at your selves about?

· What do you Brag about?

· What do you sacrifice to with your money, time, and energy the most to?

· What are our greatest hopes and desires?

· What are you waiting for?

The combined services and collaborative efforts of our network of ministries help to begin to address the needs of the whole person by providing a whole solution through spiritual nurturing re-pattern of the mind, emotional health and social enrichment. We are convinced that this is the solution to strengthening families and communities throughout America. The inner Transformation is because of the working of Grace, which does not demand nor modify a behavior changes with only unreliable temporary irrational solutions. Inner transformation is an inner process of integration in our mind to pattern our thoughts with God’s mind which causes transfiguration by joining the human and the divine through revelation of absolute truth internally. Behavior modification is the process of forcing external change of self-defeating behavior. To cause change only on the external is only to provide Band-aid solutions for an individual’s surface problems from the outer. This external behavior modification comes from secular reasoning and humanistic counseling in the form of behaviorism that is prevalent in recovery models. It will work in the short term to cause a ceasing of external surface self-defeating and life controlling problems. Behavior modification is only impermanent because the source is temporal and methods are not focused on changing the mind rationally. The underlying primary root cause of the self-defeating and life controlling problems are not defined as irrational thought patterns and habits therefore the idea of personal responsibility is never considered because of the diseasing of behavior.

The Grace of God ( Who God is and What God has performed) teaches us the rational expression of God which internally convinces us in our mind, deals with the underlying root issues that caused the surface self-defeating behaviors by internal re-patterning of the mind. The battlefield in our mind needs to change from patterns or habits learned from outer and external stimulation from our past experiences, billions of projections per second from the world system, and from our adversary the devil who goal is to enslave out thought patterns. God, the Holy Spirit works through our human spirit to re-patterns our mind by God’s amazing abundant Grace as the source that reliably reconstructs our mind from the irrational to the rational from the inside. The transfigured mind will cause a metamorphosis, transfigures our free will(Volition), rebuilds our value system in our conscience, and restructures our reacting emotions to responding from new Christ mind. The new Birth of our mind occurs at the moment we begin our relationship with Christ. New Birth birth plants the person, the Holy Spirit whose primary role in our life is to convince (convict) us. Our newness is the new birth given to those who choose life of Grace. Grace does the work and patterns our mind actively inside of us because everything about God’s Grace is constant, reliable, authentic, dependable, unbroken, unceasing, devoted, and therefore eternally continual. This symphony of Grace has that refer frequently and usually initially only to our personal salvation. It is defined as the favor

of God meaning that we did not deserve and could not ever earn the non-meritorious Gift of God. The frequent missing of the daily life giving constancy of grace, to realize all of who God is, performed and continues to reveal himself as the source in His character and nature in our daily life.

The results of this network of ministries are proving to be a solution to strengthen people, families, and their communities throughout America and overseas. After 15 years and over 11,000 hours of working with troubled young adults and families, we have discovered that the common thread woven through the diverse fabric of our nation’s people is the lack of purpose and identity. There are many people of all ages, from the inner cities to suburbia, who are wandering aimlessly in search of the answer to the same question man has asked for thousands of years, "Who am I, and why am I here?" Unfortunately, drugs, gangs and other negative influences are competing heavily for the hearts and minds of America, with a heavy impact on young adults everywhere. The availability of such overwhelming negative influences in every sector of our society is a deadly mix for everyone. Our non-profit is on the forefront of working with such difficulties, and has united and brought leadership to a unique network of Christian organizations, bringing real solutions for young adults and families!

OUR VISION

Our vision is to reach multitudes of young adults and their families, and to produce a remnant of people that will glorify Jesus in and through their lives. We want to assure that these young adults to become a blessing to their local Churches as well as their communities. This is vital because the church is suffering from the eventual extinction with 86 percent of young adults leaving the church by their 18^th birthday and never returning. This generation is in utter crisis becoming more and more post-Christian in their world-views. Our society needs to be build upon the young adults who are the future of our society. The unreached and un-churched young adults are reachable through non-judgmental, relevant non-traditional contemporary methods which are authentic and real without the appearance of hypocrisy.

From among these young adults that we have reached, God will separate some for the work of the ministry. Our society is no longer producing morally healthy young adults on a large scale; it is also our goal to establish a community of strong families, which are hopefully the partial purpose of local churches. Eventually, neighboring Churches will catch on until the whole city is filled with strong living organisms of believers, thus creating a strong city. Strong clusters of cities won to Christ will inevitably restore a strong and mighty nation under GOD, which in turn can impact the whole world.

Our vision is to reach multitudes of young adults and their families, and to produce a remnant of people that will glorify Jesus in and through their lives by God’s Grace. The living remnant cannot occur by self focused and behavior modification which secular traditional treatment of life controlling problems has predominately focused on in recovery programs. This will provide assurance to themselves and many others that Christianity is not a bunch of rules and behaviors. The personal life of Grace in their lives can and will build depth of capacity. Living epistle’s will emerge and display God’s masterpiece to encourage each other and attract those still in the world surrounding them. It is the duty of every person to be a servant of Christ, and a spiritual leader to the lost and dying generation. It is a challenge to become less self-serving and self-sacrificial. This is God’s eternal purpose is to establish a family in light of the fact that it will serve as a catapult to produce a godly seed. Through the perfection of succeeding generations, we will one day become that glorious church without spot or wrinkle for which Jesus will return. This occurs only by the working of Grace that teaches us to deny ungodliness and this present temporal world values.

This is our eternal dream. We understand that this is definitely not a quick fix solution to the problems of this generation. On the contrary, this process is one of much time, great cost, sacrificial commitment and a life time of dedication. Although the task may seem too big to tackle, we are convinced that it is our most noble duty to do that which is right in the eyes of Almighty God. He alone can take our small sacrifices and efforts to magnify them to the magnitude of a worldwide revival. It is our hope that in our life time we can see this dream come to pass. If for some reason we don’t, we together at the least will sow a sure seed for the salvation of future generations. Nevertheless, whether in our lifetime or in the lifetime of our successors, we are convinced that this dream will come to pass.

Services

· Addiction Recovery & Treatment
Biblical Counseling and spiritual treatment for those battling life controlling and self-defeating behaviors of any kind

· Crisis Intervention
Serving those who are facing a crisis situation and need immediate help

· Family Counseling & Restoration
Individual and Family Biblical Counseling

· Friendship, Dating & Marriage Education
Healing from past relationships and preparation for future challenges

· Parent Coaching & Workshops
Valuable resources to families with children of all ages

· Recreation & Fitness Programs
Achieving or maintaining physical health with encouraging role-models

· Social Maturity & Emotional Health
Building healthy relationships through planting high impact churches across America to reach this generation in crisis.

Mission

Our mission is to reach our nation for God while restoring godliness and morality in America. We work alongside and in cooperation with networked churches, agencie

s and community based organizations in orders to provide specialized services to those in self-defeating crisis and others who have life controlling problems trapped in idolatry. Teaching personal responsibility and teaching the rational whole counsel of God’s Grace.

Our goals and efforts are fueled by the desire to strengthen families and communities by providing healing to emotionally disturbed and behaviorally defiant young adults; who find themselves trapped in the web of drugs, alcohol, fornication, violence, and rebellion. These life controlling or self damaging behaviors are simply a set of complex surface problems that have slowly formed in response to unresolved and underlying deep seated issues in their mind. The lack of internal mental harmony results in irrational actions on the surface. They emerge from lack of control of emotions and therefore the free volition is compromised by corrupted value systems and integrity. We look at everyone as an individual because God has made us with wonderful uniqueness and are completely beautiful in His divine design. We must encourage this uniqueness and make religious cultural demands to have them conform to what we believe is a reflection of Christ. No one is the same and can be helped by the same strategies over and over. Our observation is that this is why most young adults have revealed in numerous statistically proven studies to have honest desires to never return to church or traditional Christianity. A very small percentage does return later in lives which are usually second or third generation believers.

This mass exodus with over 9 million young adults is growing by the hour and young adults are one of the largest Christian un-reached group in America today. These unreached young adults will not go to church before the reach 18. This generation is becoming extinct and lost more than any other generation in the church today.
We are convinced that these problems in our society root back to the sinful nature and the compromising of Christian values in this present post-Christian world system. We believe that a sure solution can be found in and only when God, family, and church join in a collaborative effort with singleness of purpose to bring about healing and the restoration of authority in the lives of troubled young adults. Young Adult Crisis Hotline is committed to spiritual nurturing the whole person. We also provide seminars and training methods to develop relevant young adult ministries in local church and in Christian community centers at no cost.

Our Ministry

Young Adult Crisis Hotline is a faith-based, nonprofit organization for families in crisis. We offer help through an established network of ministries. Oftentimes those we help defiant unmotivated young adults that are involved in immoral lifestyles.

The Young Adult Crisis Hotline provides an accepting non-judgmental place to call in the midst of crisis caused by these self-defeating and life controlling behaviors:

Anxiety, Depression, Abuse, Addiction, Relational Issues, Family Abuse Or Assault, Addictions, Aggression, Anger, Anxiety & Panic, Attention Deficit Disorder, Behavioral Problems, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Problems Gender Identity Issues, Grief, Loss, Inner Conflict, Learning Disorders, Life Issues, Life Transitions, Medical Problems, Suicidal, Active Military & Veteran Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Self-Esteem Problems, Sexual Issues, Stress, Women’s Issues, Gang Intervention, Gambling And Other Life Controlling Problems And Issues That Lead To Crisis.

With our family discipleship and our biblical counseling ministry we believe in including family members so that they are integrated in the process of biblical education and equipping. This is vital to the progress of patterning that they can model after and build upon the disciplines taught in the Word of God. This is accomplished through Bible based counseling that helps to have a rational integrated mind of Christ. Biblical Coaching and Counseling can be arranged via phone-conference, in-person or at the family’s residence. Organized parent workshops allow interaction between families who face similar situations. Participants are able to encourage one another as they walk through the healing and recovery process of their loved ones.
All of these different services combined address the needs of the whole person by providing spiritual nurturing, recreation, vocational training, academic achievement, health and social development all in one program. We, at the Young Adult Crisis Hotline and Biblical Counseling Center, are convinced that this is the solution to strengthening families and communities throughout America.

Young Adult Biblical Counseling Center offers families a therapeutic rational spiritual treatment plan. Rather than subjecting our students to the limitations of behavior management models which primarily have an effect on the outward man, the focus is on spiritual renewal resulting in inner-transformation through a personal relationship with the integrated mind of Jesus Christ.

In His Grace Forever,

Pastor Teddy Awad, CMHP

Young Adult Crisis Hotline and

Biblical Counseling Center

Call Toll Free: 1-877-702-2GOD

(2463)